So one of my favorite things about God is how he speaks to me. With the exception of two times, i have not herd him speak to me in a direct verbal way. I want to add that when he spoke i listened, and did what i felt like he wanted me too and what resulted was the most amazing transformation of life. One was during Christmas break of my third year at college. Basically i was asking him how much longer would i have to continue to get let down and experience difficult times and for that matter, why am i even having to go through these issues and times in the first place. Immediately, i herd him say, cause i want more of you, all of you, you're not done and I'm not done with you. The other time was just shortly before that, right after some of the issues that led me to that last question. Again i was asking him, ok why? I knew that everything was happening for a reason, but had no clue why and i was pretty ticked cause i figured God owed me some of the desires of my heart, after all i'm a good kid. Well anyway, in the mist of talking to him, he literally said, Pine Cove, go. So i am not kidding, i knew it was a camp but that was all, so i googled it, and never looked back. I really feel like writing a book titled, 'Everything i Learned about God, I learned from an evil 11 or 12 year old', j/k but seriously.
I can already tell that this is gonna be a two parter.
So that was kinda the back story, i just felt like telling that might help understand what i'm about to say next. God speaks. All the time. I know i don't hear him as often as i should cause i'm too busy filling up my heart with noise. So if i say 'oh, i'm not hearing God speak' it's not an issue of God has lost my number, it's an i'm not listening thing.
When God speaks to me, it's usually him revealing his truths to me about who he is. This comes in lost of different forms, and the base of this is the study of his word cause without it, i would not be able to differentiate between God's truth and Satan's lies. I cannot begin to explain how important this is. Satan is the one who tells 11yr old girls to cut themselves with knives ( saw that a camp, and you want your heart to break, talk to someone who has bought into Satan's lies.) John 8:44. God wants our hearts, he died for it.
So what i want to share is what he has said to me recently,
I am on your side, didn't I, didn't I tell you...
Sure, call me lame, whatever, but i really enjoy colbie caillat's music. That line is from her song realize, and for some reason, i think this is the guy in me, but i don't think much of guy/girl relationships on this one, but i hear that as the cry of God's heart after me, and all of us for that matter. I kinda get this picture of this intensely personal God who has chased us and hurts when we hurt and hurts even more when we dont turn to him. I kinda feel like it fits right in where in John 6 most of Jesus's disciples leave him after he tells them 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty...and whoever comes to me i will never drive away...that i shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up on the last day." John 6:35-39. This is what caused most of his disciples to leave him! So Jesus finishes tell them about how his body will be broken and his blood will be spilt for them. As all these men are leaving him, Jesus turns to the few who have stayed and asks, "You do not want to leave me too, do you?" And i don't think this is Jesus challenging them, but this is him desperately longing to reconcile with his creation that turned from him, and he's hurt that after he's told them how he is gonna make it all right again, they leave, they walk away, again, just like in the Garden when Adam hides from God.
And this isn't just some new version of God in the new testament, this has been his heart beat from the very beginning. In Jeremiah 3, God tells Jeremiah to tell Israel, "How gladly would i treat you like sons and give you the most desirable land, the most beautiful inheritance of any nation. i thought you would call me Father and not turn away from following me. But like a woman unfaithful to her husband, so you have been unfaithful to me, O house of Israel". In fact, from the very moment we separated ourselves from God in the Garden, God tells us his plan of sending a boy to crush the one he led us astray.
And that is one of the things i love about God, he speaks, and he shows me his truth, even if it comes from Colbie Caillat's song.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Feeling
"Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. -Isaiah 49:13
"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."
- Matthew 9:35-36
"...Father, i have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men. So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, thew his arms around him and kissed him." - Luke 15:18b-20
"Jesus wept." -John 11:35
Since i have started work, i spend a lot of my time working, naturally. So i find myself longing for summers past where i could spend my time on other things. Over and over again i think back to my time at camp particularly as a counselor. My first week of my second summer was one of the toughest weeks i ever had a camp. I had 8th grade boys, 8 of them, and seven of them were great. One was not, he was ADHD and i think slightly evil bent on taking me down. He would often recruit the rest of the cabin to take part in some way with him so it was often kinda crazy and they did their fair share of picking up pine cones all over camp. So it's very difficult to try to display the love of Christ to them while at the same time wanting to throw them through the wall. Haha, jk lol, but seriously.
At some point during the week we would sit down with every camper and have 'one on one' time. This was a chance to get to know them better and to let them know you better on a personal level. Most importantly it was a chance to get to know where the kids were spiritually. i would usually try to get these done the first few days of camp so i could relate to the campers better. Normally i really look forward to these cause when you finally get a 12yr old one on one and show them you care about them, the tend to show their human side. But i was not looking forward to my time with this kid. But thursday came and the time came where i needed to do it.
Without going into much detail these conversations would usually focus on me sharing with the campers about how their salvation is not dependent on whether or not the hit their brother, or went to church, or lied, but that when they become Christians the Holy Spirit comes inside of them and that's how God sees us, is not has sinners, but has pure and blameless cause God lives in us, Eph 1:13-14. But this one on one was different. It came to the point where I told him God wants him and that being a christian means an eternity with him, but without Him we are destined for hell. He told me that he wasn't a christian, which i knew, but that he didnt really care what would happen. That was kind of the short story but i hope you get the point. The reason i am sharing this is not because he didnt become a christian, but because for the first time in my life i began to understand those verses at the beginning of this blog.
I was crushed. Literally inside, i was broken hearted. I was glad he was honest, but i was so furious with how satan can twist our hearts that we can't see that our only hope is God in whom we have life, joy, hope, and eternity, and how he can say, 'you dont need that, look, here is video game.' or whatever he uses to distract us. The rest of the day was not a good one. I cannot accurately explain what i was going through. All week i couldn't stand him and then all of a sudden i sat down with him for 45 mins, and my heart was bleeding for him. The week ended with him telling me that he learned a lot and he shared that he could really feel the spirit during worship that thursday night, but i didn't see a decision. So i don't know where he is in this journey now but hopefully i will someday.
God is so good, cause he used this kid who i wanted to crush to teach me what compassion looks like. Oh man, let me tell it is a lot harder to be the center of the universe when you start to care about others well being more than your own. It really changes the way you look at people and it kinda uproots your priorities just a bit. When you start to understand that we are all hostages of a broken world you start to find it much easier to love people who are living dead. You realize we all need Him, and that there is an epic battle for our souls, and those people who live in the bottom of a bottle or just looking for the next high or whatever, are just trying to fill the hole that is left when you are separated from your Creator. If i can be real for a moment, as a Christian who was fortunate to spend almost 16yrs before becoming one, and two more before i started to live like it, i can understand how easy it is to mistake that hole of not knowing your creator as needing to just be cooler, or smarter, or better looking or more successful or making the best team . Once you accomplish that, then maybe that hole will be filled, until you realise that with ever success that hole just gets bigger cause you realise that you can't make it go away, you just go deeper and deeper until you don't recognize yourself any more and you have hardened yourself so that you don't think you even have a hole. Let me say that the world becomes a very dark and cold place when you have no hope.
All this to say, is compassion is dangerous. It will push you to understand the human condition, and you might find yourself loving people who you thought you never could. You might just weep, you might just become more like Jesus. And i don't know what this looks like for you, but this is how i learned to understand compassion, i wish i remembered this lesson more often, i think God would be glorified in my life much more, but i hope i'm doing better than before.
"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."
- Matthew 9:35-36
"...Father, i have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men. So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, thew his arms around him and kissed him." - Luke 15:18b-20
"Jesus wept." -John 11:35
Since i have started work, i spend a lot of my time working, naturally. So i find myself longing for summers past where i could spend my time on other things. Over and over again i think back to my time at camp particularly as a counselor. My first week of my second summer was one of the toughest weeks i ever had a camp. I had 8th grade boys, 8 of them, and seven of them were great. One was not, he was ADHD and i think slightly evil bent on taking me down. He would often recruit the rest of the cabin to take part in some way with him so it was often kinda crazy and they did their fair share of picking up pine cones all over camp. So it's very difficult to try to display the love of Christ to them while at the same time wanting to throw them through the wall. Haha, jk lol, but seriously.
At some point during the week we would sit down with every camper and have 'one on one' time. This was a chance to get to know them better and to let them know you better on a personal level. Most importantly it was a chance to get to know where the kids were spiritually. i would usually try to get these done the first few days of camp so i could relate to the campers better. Normally i really look forward to these cause when you finally get a 12yr old one on one and show them you care about them, the tend to show their human side. But i was not looking forward to my time with this kid. But thursday came and the time came where i needed to do it.
Without going into much detail these conversations would usually focus on me sharing with the campers about how their salvation is not dependent on whether or not the hit their brother, or went to church, or lied, but that when they become Christians the Holy Spirit comes inside of them and that's how God sees us, is not has sinners, but has pure and blameless cause God lives in us, Eph 1:13-14. But this one on one was different. It came to the point where I told him God wants him and that being a christian means an eternity with him, but without Him we are destined for hell. He told me that he wasn't a christian, which i knew, but that he didnt really care what would happen. That was kind of the short story but i hope you get the point. The reason i am sharing this is not because he didnt become a christian, but because for the first time in my life i began to understand those verses at the beginning of this blog.
I was crushed. Literally inside, i was broken hearted. I was glad he was honest, but i was so furious with how satan can twist our hearts that we can't see that our only hope is God in whom we have life, joy, hope, and eternity, and how he can say, 'you dont need that, look, here is video game.' or whatever he uses to distract us. The rest of the day was not a good one. I cannot accurately explain what i was going through. All week i couldn't stand him and then all of a sudden i sat down with him for 45 mins, and my heart was bleeding for him. The week ended with him telling me that he learned a lot and he shared that he could really feel the spirit during worship that thursday night, but i didn't see a decision. So i don't know where he is in this journey now but hopefully i will someday.
God is so good, cause he used this kid who i wanted to crush to teach me what compassion looks like. Oh man, let me tell it is a lot harder to be the center of the universe when you start to care about others well being more than your own. It really changes the way you look at people and it kinda uproots your priorities just a bit. When you start to understand that we are all hostages of a broken world you start to find it much easier to love people who are living dead. You realize we all need Him, and that there is an epic battle for our souls, and those people who live in the bottom of a bottle or just looking for the next high or whatever, are just trying to fill the hole that is left when you are separated from your Creator. If i can be real for a moment, as a Christian who was fortunate to spend almost 16yrs before becoming one, and two more before i started to live like it, i can understand how easy it is to mistake that hole of not knowing your creator as needing to just be cooler, or smarter, or better looking or more successful or making the best team . Once you accomplish that, then maybe that hole will be filled, until you realise that with ever success that hole just gets bigger cause you realise that you can't make it go away, you just go deeper and deeper until you don't recognize yourself any more and you have hardened yourself so that you don't think you even have a hole. Let me say that the world becomes a very dark and cold place when you have no hope.
All this to say, is compassion is dangerous. It will push you to understand the human condition, and you might find yourself loving people who you thought you never could. You might just weep, you might just become more like Jesus. And i don't know what this looks like for you, but this is how i learned to understand compassion, i wish i remembered this lesson more often, i think God would be glorified in my life much more, but i hope i'm doing better than before.
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