A few things have been on my mind lately, and that’s all the introduction I can come up with.
1. It snowed last week, and only God could create something so beautiful.
2. This is a broken world, and while here in texas the snow was beautiful, in other places it causes death and hunger and suffering. Like love, sex, money, and self this world takes good things and twists them for evil.
3. A lot of post modern thinkers claim that religion causes more evil than anything else. I completely agree, that’s why I am a Christian. The root of religion creates an ideology of superiority because religions are based on following rules and doing certain tasks to achieve paradise or nirvana, therefore, anyone who does not do what you do to be a good ‘moral’ person is inferior. Christianity is the only ‘religion’ , for lack of a better word, which says that there is nothing we can do to deserve heaven, we all fall short. Therefore, Jesus offers grace. No one else offers grace. You cannot be proud about something you did not earn.
3a. Atheists, agnostics, etc, of the like are hypocrites of the worst kind. While they claim to not believe in anything, they too, are religious, their belief in no god is a belief which guides there perspective on life just like Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Christianity, etc. ‘RELIGION can be defined as: a set of beliefs that explain what life is all about, who we are, and the most important things that human beings should spend their time doing.’ They claim to be open minded, yet they exclude the gospel as a rational doctrine of belief and life. They call Christians dumb, simple, arrogant, and hateful but Jesus Christ calls them sons and daughters, his beautiful bride.
4. Atheists, agnostics, etc. claim that the presence of evil means there cannot be a god. If that’s true, then they must admit that there is no god, therefore, they cannot blame him for the evil they say he causes because in their religion, he doesn’t exist, making it impossible for him to cause or allow evil or good. In addition, they must also admit that in a godless world there is no hope, because we are all subject to this evil, godless world where at any moment we would become active participants in. Also, without the standard of God, what is evil?* The evil they claim that happens on a daily basis would in-fact not be evil, but would be just the way it is, an eventuality, normal. Their life, would be a pointless endeavor to death. The end.
-* yes I know the common theories about this question, and they all fall short unless the standard comes from God.
5. there is more to come, but I’m le tired. Please feel free to comment, even more so if you disagree.
6. Most of this comes from the amazing book, The Reason for God, by Timothy Keller
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Am i lost or just less found?
So i have been doing some gut checking recently, and while i know the end is worth wild the means are far from enjoyable. Over the past six months i don't have much to show for this. If i can be honest with myself, i would rather die now than know that i will spend the rest of my life as what some have called a tame safe life in suburbia America where i go to church and attend sunday school and write checks so that i feel that i am being all God has created me to be. This has been my path the past six months... and if this is where God wants me to be, then i will glorify him, here, now, but i will not allow the call of God to be drowned out by meetings, bills, and alarm clocks.
I am not saying that i haven't learned anything through this, i have, trust me. I am so blessed to be able to be in this position now, but this is not where i long to be. I love my job, i love architecture, i love getting paid, and having nice things, and there are countless ways to serve God here and now. But i find that i long for more. For those that know me, this will sound weird at best, but i really want some tattoos and a piercing and to go to some place far away and just live simply serving God's people returning occasionally to write about my experience. Not because i find it romantic or edgy or the 'in thing', but because i want to fulfill the purpose for which i was created for.
And this has been so hard to even deal with, and half the time i think i am crazy, i actually hope i am, cause most people thought Jesus was a little crazy. But i cannot continue to know my savior and not be radical, i cannot claim to know the truth and not be changed by it, and i cannot see what i have seen and experience what i have experienced and not move to proclaim the hope which i cling to. For now that means being here in Houston, but who knows what is next. I know that in God's mercy he is using this time for a purpose that i cannot see yet, and that i need for my heart to come closer to his and to be patient for his timing. I have been saying that no matter my circumstances, if my chief goal is to glorify Christ then i can't lose because my joy is found in eternity and not in my circumstances...
i have the words and a link to Brooke Fraser's C.S. Lewis Song below, i believe that finding her music has been an answered prayer for me. She is an incredible song writer and her heart for Christ is something that i long for and this particular song really says what my soul is searching through...
C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke Fraser
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just less found?
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
[CHORUS]
[BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live,
I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming
I am not saying that i haven't learned anything through this, i have, trust me. I am so blessed to be able to be in this position now, but this is not where i long to be. I love my job, i love architecture, i love getting paid, and having nice things, and there are countless ways to serve God here and now. But i find that i long for more. For those that know me, this will sound weird at best, but i really want some tattoos and a piercing and to go to some place far away and just live simply serving God's people returning occasionally to write about my experience. Not because i find it romantic or edgy or the 'in thing', but because i want to fulfill the purpose for which i was created for.
And this has been so hard to even deal with, and half the time i think i am crazy, i actually hope i am, cause most people thought Jesus was a little crazy. But i cannot continue to know my savior and not be radical, i cannot claim to know the truth and not be changed by it, and i cannot see what i have seen and experience what i have experienced and not move to proclaim the hope which i cling to. For now that means being here in Houston, but who knows what is next. I know that in God's mercy he is using this time for a purpose that i cannot see yet, and that i need for my heart to come closer to his and to be patient for his timing. I have been saying that no matter my circumstances, if my chief goal is to glorify Christ then i can't lose because my joy is found in eternity and not in my circumstances...
i have the words and a link to Brooke Fraser's C.S. Lewis Song below, i believe that finding her music has been an answered prayer for me. She is an incredible song writer and her heart for Christ is something that i long for and this particular song really says what my soul is searching through...
C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke Fraser
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just less found?
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
[CHORUS]
[BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live,
I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I win cause He wins
So today i found myself in sin, again. It's so lame, and i hate it. After thinking about it for a bit i got mad at Satan, and how he continues to feed me lies and try to move me away from God. So i kind of get this image of me versus Satan, and I'm like how can i win, how can i keep him from trying to kill my soul. Then David came to mind, and this verse in 1 Sam 17:34-37
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
The reason that came into my head is my favorite way to understand who Jesus is, is to look at him as the good shepherd. I asked myself awhile ago, why a shepherd? Why not compare him to a warrior or a king, but a guy who looks after sheep, that's kinda weird. I knew that Jesus, like a shepherd looks after us and that we belong to him and all that, but recently i saw why a shepherd is the perfect analogy. David was the man in the OT. David was also a shepherd and a king and probably the best king. Jews would have known who David was very well. So the writers of the NT used this to help draw a picture of who Jesus is/was.
Sooooo for me i parallel Jesus and David. Think about that verse in 1 Sam 17. David the protector of his sheep, sees something trying to steal and kill one of his sheep, so David, being a good shepherd, sets out to destroy that which is trying to destroy one of his own. Now see 1 John 3:8 "....The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work." Jesus, like David, sees us, and like a good shepherd is working to destroy the one who is trying to destroy us. So today, in that moment of sin, i knew i wasn't alone but that God is protecting me and he loves me, because anything short of that, would be an affront to the very nature of who He is.
How i see the verse.....these are just a few references, there are many more, i just know these and can put them in quickly...
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant(Jesus Mat 20:28) has been keeping his father's sheep(Eze 18:4). When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth(1 John 3:8). When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it(Gen 3:14-15). Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God(John 8:44). The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
The reason that came into my head is my favorite way to understand who Jesus is, is to look at him as the good shepherd. I asked myself awhile ago, why a shepherd? Why not compare him to a warrior or a king, but a guy who looks after sheep, that's kinda weird. I knew that Jesus, like a shepherd looks after us and that we belong to him and all that, but recently i saw why a shepherd is the perfect analogy. David was the man in the OT. David was also a shepherd and a king and probably the best king. Jews would have known who David was very well. So the writers of the NT used this to help draw a picture of who Jesus is/was.
Sooooo for me i parallel Jesus and David. Think about that verse in 1 Sam 17. David the protector of his sheep, sees something trying to steal and kill one of his sheep, so David, being a good shepherd, sets out to destroy that which is trying to destroy one of his own. Now see 1 John 3:8 "....The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work." Jesus, like David, sees us, and like a good shepherd is working to destroy the one who is trying to destroy us. So today, in that moment of sin, i knew i wasn't alone but that God is protecting me and he loves me, because anything short of that, would be an affront to the very nature of who He is.
How i see the verse.....these are just a few references, there are many more, i just know these and can put them in quickly...
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant(Jesus Mat 20:28) has been keeping his father's sheep(Eze 18:4). When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth(1 John 3:8). When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it(Gen 3:14-15). Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God(John 8:44). The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
sick and ugly
At work today i read this article found on yahoo.com. It made me sick. I have seen documentaries about N. Korea before, and i am sad to say that there is even worse things happening there then what this entails( story below).
I am having a hard time writing about this because reading things like this kinda of kill the parts of my soul that believe in beauty and humanity. So i guess one of the reasons i put this in here is to help raise awareness about the crimes against humanity that occur whole sale in N. Korea. Then i start to think, well, there is the Congo too, and Darfur, and Somalia, and drug wars in Mexico, and the Middle East, and in America i turn on the news and hear about little kids getting kidnapped and killed, and my 92 year old grandmother is slowly losing the ability to function on her own and i can't stand to think that this is how she will leave this earth. With all this going on i know people will turn to me and say, Where is God? How can a loving God allow this to happen?
I can't give you some crazy awesome theological answer, i just can't, I'm not that smart. But the answer is easy, its just very hard to explain. So what i will do, cause i need time to better explain the answers (at least my ideas on what i think are the answers) i will give the short answer and then in the next post expound upon them, but for now i just want people to read the article.
Q. Where is God? A. Everywhere. Q. How can a loving God allow this to happen? A. He doesn't, these things are a result of our rebellion against God's plan for us. He will, however, fix this. How do i know? Gen 3-:14-15, says that '...he(Jesus) will crush your(the serpent/devil) head and you will strike his heal." I John 3:8 'the reason the son of God appeared was to destroy the work of the devil.' Death is a result of man's sin, not God's lack of love or power, 'Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned...' Rom 5:12.
Sorry for the kinda randomness, but this is how i think (scary i know), but please pray about making a difference in someone's life, whether sponsoring a child through Compassion International, or tutoring, or spending time with people who are lonely, are whatever, this world is too dark for us to hide our light.
SEOUL, South Korea – The condemned inmate, his body torn apart by guard dogs, slumped unconscious as the three executioners fired. The bullets shattered his skull, splattering blood near other prisoners forced to watch.
His offense: trying to escape from the remote prison camp in North Korea.
"People were seized with fear but no one could say anything," former prisoner Jung Gyoung-il said, recalling the 2001 execution. "That's worse than the way animals are slaughtered."
For a decade, North Korea has denied such accounts from defectors, and South Korea has shied away from them to maintain good relations with its wartime rival. But now, under new President Lee Myung-bak, South Korea is investigating alleged abuses, including the prison camp system. South Korea's state-run human rights watchdog is interviewing defectors and is hosting a two-day international forum this week on the issue.
Meanwhile, President Bush has made the push to crack down on rights abuses in North Korea one of his last missions before leaving office in January. He signed a law promoting the U.S. special envoy on North Korean human rights to ambassador and making it easier for refugees from the North to settle in the U.S.
The focus on alleged abuses has infuriated North Korea, which dismisses the accusations as a U.S. plot to overthrow its government. The country's Central Committee of the Democratic Front for the Reunification of the Fatherland called Seoul's moves proof that South Korean officials are "sycophants toward the U.S." and "maniacs" who risk confrontation with the North.
North Korea runs at least five large political prison camps, together holding an estimated 150,000 to 200,000 inmates, according to the U.S. State Department. The gulags remain one of the Stalinist regime's most effective means of controlling its 23 million people, analysts say.
Last week, the U.N. investigator on human rights in North Korea said large numbers of people remain in prison camps. Satellite images show the camps in valleys tucked between mountain ranges, each covering up to 100 square miles. Former prisoners say the camps are encircled by high-voltage electrified fences and have schools, barracks and work sites.
Offenses meriting banishment to a prison camp include everything from disparaging North Korean leader Kim Jong Il to trying to flee the country, defectors say.
Former prisoner Jung said he spent three years in Camp No. 15 in Yodok, about 70 miles northeast of the capital, Pyongyang, on charges of spying for South Korea.
Jung, who was working for a state-run trading company, claims the charges were fabricated by security agents seeking promotion. After months of torture, Jung said he acknowledged the charge. By then he had lost nearly 80 pounds.
Shortly after his release, he fled to South Korea in 2004 with his wife and two daughters and now works for a civic group on North Korean prisons.
At Yodok, Jung said, the 400 inmates in his section subsisted on 20 ounces of corn each — the equivalent of one medium-size can daily — while toiling at mines, farms and factories for 13 to 15 hours a day. Many died of hunger and diseases brought on by malnutrition, he said. Some managed to trap vermin and insects.
"People eat rats and snakes. They were the best food to recover our health," said Jung, 46, adding he still suffers from ulcers, headaches and back pain.
One inmate, Choe Kwang Ho, sneaked away from his work for 15 minutes to pick fruit. He was executed, his mouth stuffed with gravel to prevent him from protesting, Jung recalled.
"I still can't forget his emotionless face," he said.
Life at the four other camps was even worse, Jung said. A former North Korean prison guard said only two inmates have ever escaped from the camps known as "total control zones."
"Inmates there don't even have time to try to catch and eat rats," An Myeong-chul said in an interview in Seoul.
An said he served as a guard and driver at four camps before defecting in 1994. If a female inmate got pregnant, he said, she and her lover would be shot to death publicly. Then, An said, prison guards would cut open her womb, remove the fetus and bury it or feed it to guard dogs.
Forced abortions are common, and if babies are born, many are killed, sometimes before the mother's eyes, defectors say. Grandparents also may be punished since whole families are imprisoned.
"We were repeatedly taught they were the national traitors and we have to eradicate three generations of their families," he said.
An, 40, defected after his father, a former Workers' Party official, killed himself after being accused of criticizing the government food rationing system as inefficient. Now working at a bank in South Korea, An said he pushes for the abolishment of North Korea's prison camps as the least he can do to offset his work as a guard.
Public executions are not limited to the gulags.
Before he was imprisoned, Jung took his eldest daughter, then 8, to the execution of a prisoner in 1997 in the city of Chongjin. She watched solemnly as the inmate's skull was smashed to pieces.
"She asked me, 'Hey Daddy, is he vomiting?'" Jung recalled, a bitter grimace curling his lips. "I should not have taken her there."
___
Associated Press writers Kwang-tae Kim in Seoul and Edith M. Lederer at the United Nations contributed to this report.
I am having a hard time writing about this because reading things like this kinda of kill the parts of my soul that believe in beauty and humanity. So i guess one of the reasons i put this in here is to help raise awareness about the crimes against humanity that occur whole sale in N. Korea. Then i start to think, well, there is the Congo too, and Darfur, and Somalia, and drug wars in Mexico, and the Middle East, and in America i turn on the news and hear about little kids getting kidnapped and killed, and my 92 year old grandmother is slowly losing the ability to function on her own and i can't stand to think that this is how she will leave this earth. With all this going on i know people will turn to me and say, Where is God? How can a loving God allow this to happen?
I can't give you some crazy awesome theological answer, i just can't, I'm not that smart. But the answer is easy, its just very hard to explain. So what i will do, cause i need time to better explain the answers (at least my ideas on what i think are the answers) i will give the short answer and then in the next post expound upon them, but for now i just want people to read the article.
Q. Where is God? A. Everywhere. Q. How can a loving God allow this to happen? A. He doesn't, these things are a result of our rebellion against God's plan for us. He will, however, fix this. How do i know? Gen 3-:14-15, says that '...he(Jesus) will crush your(the serpent/devil) head and you will strike his heal." I John 3:8 'the reason the son of God appeared was to destroy the work of the devil.' Death is a result of man's sin, not God's lack of love or power, 'Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned...' Rom 5:12.
Sorry for the kinda randomness, but this is how i think (scary i know), but please pray about making a difference in someone's life, whether sponsoring a child through Compassion International, or tutoring, or spending time with people who are lonely, are whatever, this world is too dark for us to hide our light.
SEOUL, South Korea – The condemned inmate, his body torn apart by guard dogs, slumped unconscious as the three executioners fired. The bullets shattered his skull, splattering blood near other prisoners forced to watch.
His offense: trying to escape from the remote prison camp in North Korea.
"People were seized with fear but no one could say anything," former prisoner Jung Gyoung-il said, recalling the 2001 execution. "That's worse than the way animals are slaughtered."
For a decade, North Korea has denied such accounts from defectors, and South Korea has shied away from them to maintain good relations with its wartime rival. But now, under new President Lee Myung-bak, South Korea is investigating alleged abuses, including the prison camp system. South Korea's state-run human rights watchdog is interviewing defectors and is hosting a two-day international forum this week on the issue.
Meanwhile, President Bush has made the push to crack down on rights abuses in North Korea one of his last missions before leaving office in January. He signed a law promoting the U.S. special envoy on North Korean human rights to ambassador and making it easier for refugees from the North to settle in the U.S.
The focus on alleged abuses has infuriated North Korea, which dismisses the accusations as a U.S. plot to overthrow its government. The country's Central Committee of the Democratic Front for the Reunification of the Fatherland called Seoul's moves proof that South Korean officials are "sycophants toward the U.S." and "maniacs" who risk confrontation with the North.
North Korea runs at least five large political prison camps, together holding an estimated 150,000 to 200,000 inmates, according to the U.S. State Department. The gulags remain one of the Stalinist regime's most effective means of controlling its 23 million people, analysts say.
Last week, the U.N. investigator on human rights in North Korea said large numbers of people remain in prison camps. Satellite images show the camps in valleys tucked between mountain ranges, each covering up to 100 square miles. Former prisoners say the camps are encircled by high-voltage electrified fences and have schools, barracks and work sites.
Offenses meriting banishment to a prison camp include everything from disparaging North Korean leader Kim Jong Il to trying to flee the country, defectors say.
Former prisoner Jung said he spent three years in Camp No. 15 in Yodok, about 70 miles northeast of the capital, Pyongyang, on charges of spying for South Korea.
Jung, who was working for a state-run trading company, claims the charges were fabricated by security agents seeking promotion. After months of torture, Jung said he acknowledged the charge. By then he had lost nearly 80 pounds.
Shortly after his release, he fled to South Korea in 2004 with his wife and two daughters and now works for a civic group on North Korean prisons.
At Yodok, Jung said, the 400 inmates in his section subsisted on 20 ounces of corn each — the equivalent of one medium-size can daily — while toiling at mines, farms and factories for 13 to 15 hours a day. Many died of hunger and diseases brought on by malnutrition, he said. Some managed to trap vermin and insects.
"People eat rats and snakes. They were the best food to recover our health," said Jung, 46, adding he still suffers from ulcers, headaches and back pain.
One inmate, Choe Kwang Ho, sneaked away from his work for 15 minutes to pick fruit. He was executed, his mouth stuffed with gravel to prevent him from protesting, Jung recalled.
"I still can't forget his emotionless face," he said.
Life at the four other camps was even worse, Jung said. A former North Korean prison guard said only two inmates have ever escaped from the camps known as "total control zones."
"Inmates there don't even have time to try to catch and eat rats," An Myeong-chul said in an interview in Seoul.
An said he served as a guard and driver at four camps before defecting in 1994. If a female inmate got pregnant, he said, she and her lover would be shot to death publicly. Then, An said, prison guards would cut open her womb, remove the fetus and bury it or feed it to guard dogs.
Forced abortions are common, and if babies are born, many are killed, sometimes before the mother's eyes, defectors say. Grandparents also may be punished since whole families are imprisoned.
"We were repeatedly taught they were the national traitors and we have to eradicate three generations of their families," he said.
An, 40, defected after his father, a former Workers' Party official, killed himself after being accused of criticizing the government food rationing system as inefficient. Now working at a bank in South Korea, An said he pushes for the abolishment of North Korea's prison camps as the least he can do to offset his work as a guard.
Public executions are not limited to the gulags.
Before he was imprisoned, Jung took his eldest daughter, then 8, to the execution of a prisoner in 1997 in the city of Chongjin. She watched solemnly as the inmate's skull was smashed to pieces.
"She asked me, 'Hey Daddy, is he vomiting?'" Jung recalled, a bitter grimace curling his lips. "I should not have taken her there."
___
Associated Press writers Kwang-tae Kim in Seoul and Edith M. Lederer at the United Nations contributed to this report.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Jonny Cash
Last night i was reading 2 Tim. 4. Paul is writing instructions to timothy and during this time that Paul is writing he is about to be killed. And Paul comes to this point in the letter where he begins to look back at his life and this is what he says, "For i am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith." 2Tim 4:6-7. And i think you could read this and say well maybe Pau just has a very high view of himself, but remember this is the same guy who championed righteousness through faith and who wrote romans and said things like, "For i have the desire to do what is good, but i cannot carry it out. For what i do is not the good i want to do: no, the evil i do not want to do - this i keep on doing." Rom 7:17b-19.
So a couple of things come from this mostly on the first part of the verse cause i have already touched on the latter earlier.
One, i hope that when my time comes i can say that my life has been a drink offering to God. Its kinda funny cause i absolutely love this picture of my life being a drink offering. I think that I/we probably don't completely understand the idea of offerings to god and there symbolism and meaning and what not, so to help me i think of Johhy Cash. Jonny Cash lived a lot of wild years and got lost in drugs and lot of other messy things, but at some point he turned his life around (there is a lot more to his story). Not unlike a modern day Paul. Jonny Cash died recently and 3 months before he did, he preformed one last song, and it is very similar to what paul says in timothy in terms of perspective. The reason i thought of this is in the last minute of the video, Jonny is sitting at a table, and he pours out his wine and sings about his empire of dirt and its worthlessness. Its amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go
Second, i'm not about to die, or least not that i can foresee. Therefore, i can't look back with a lifetime of wisdom, but i can look back at two periods of my life. Highschool and college. I became a christian in highschool, but i cannot say much about it. In college, i can say my life began to reflect what i said i believed, and hope on my last day i can sit and say that i have poured my life out on the table for God. I want my life to be a gift to God, not because he needs it, but because it is pleasing to him and that's why i was created (Rom 12:1-2).
On a more personal note, i'm struggling with a decision i will probably have to face in the coming months. I feel that i should follow my heart, and in the worst case i'm afraid that if i do i could hurt some people who i care a lot about, and in the best case, i could look very foolish, but if i don't do anything i won't be true to myself. So in the event that this comes i pray that everyone can understand, and know that sometimes 'rules' can't predict what comes next. (i know this doesn't make any sense, but it does to me and just needed to say it here for my sake)
god is good
So a couple of things come from this mostly on the first part of the verse cause i have already touched on the latter earlier.
One, i hope that when my time comes i can say that my life has been a drink offering to God. Its kinda funny cause i absolutely love this picture of my life being a drink offering. I think that I/we probably don't completely understand the idea of offerings to god and there symbolism and meaning and what not, so to help me i think of Johhy Cash. Jonny Cash lived a lot of wild years and got lost in drugs and lot of other messy things, but at some point he turned his life around (there is a lot more to his story). Not unlike a modern day Paul. Jonny Cash died recently and 3 months before he did, he preformed one last song, and it is very similar to what paul says in timothy in terms of perspective. The reason i thought of this is in the last minute of the video, Jonny is sitting at a table, and he pours out his wine and sings about his empire of dirt and its worthlessness. Its amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go
Second, i'm not about to die, or least not that i can foresee. Therefore, i can't look back with a lifetime of wisdom, but i can look back at two periods of my life. Highschool and college. I became a christian in highschool, but i cannot say much about it. In college, i can say my life began to reflect what i said i believed, and hope on my last day i can sit and say that i have poured my life out on the table for God. I want my life to be a gift to God, not because he needs it, but because it is pleasing to him and that's why i was created (Rom 12:1-2).
On a more personal note, i'm struggling with a decision i will probably have to face in the coming months. I feel that i should follow my heart, and in the worst case i'm afraid that if i do i could hurt some people who i care a lot about, and in the best case, i could look very foolish, but if i don't do anything i won't be true to myself. So in the event that this comes i pray that everyone can understand, and know that sometimes 'rules' can't predict what comes next. (i know this doesn't make any sense, but it does to me and just needed to say it here for my sake)
god is good
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
UNwoven
Just the other week i had one of those moments where i began to think it can't get any better than this. Everything was coming together, relationships were great, job was going fantastically well, weather was good, family was good, it was as if my little world was just the way i wanted it, and i thought how good is God that he would bless me with all this. And i really think God has a sense of humor, i know he does, because for the past month or so i have been praying that my joy would continually come from him, so naturally as i pray this it would be that all these little facets of my life come together in my perfect little world making it so easy to look around me and find joy from my circumstances. And now i find that some of the strands of my rope are coming undone. And can i be honest, i hate it. So much to the point that i caught myself the other night asking God why, why again do i come so close and yet things still slip through my fingers.
At that point the light went off in my head, about a lot of things. The first thing that came to mind was what God must be thinking when i complain about these things. How can i, who on my own can do nothing, be upset when things that i feel that i deserve dont come about. Everything i have that is of any value i cannot lose and i cannot touch. John Pipper says it well in his book, Brothers we are not Professionals, "Salvation is a gift of God(eph 2:8). Love is a gift of God (1 thess. 3:12). Faith is a gift of god (1 Tim 1:14). Wisdom is a gift of God (Eph. 1:17). Joy is a gift of God (rom. 15:13). All these things are what we all long for, but too many time i look for it from things that aren't eternal, and it brings to the place where i question God, and if he knows whats best for me. But God, (which are possibly the two most beautiful words in the bible Eph 2:1-10) in his mercy, his Spirit in me, reminds me of who he is even while my flesh questions it.
Going back to my prayer about my joy be found in the Lord. If you every read the new testament you'll see that the authors are always talking about keeping your mind on the eternal things of God and get rid of the things which belong to our earthly flesh ( Col 3:1-11). Its no wonder cause if i can get to the point where i can live this out, then Satan can't touch me, cause he can't touch God's truth, see Job.
One other of the big things that popped up was David and his psalms. I think for the first time i began to understand how in the same moment he could cry out to god about how you can feel forsaken yet in the next moment praise his steadfastness and justice and truth and mercy and love etc... David wasn't an idiot, he was human, who knew God and knew his promises were true, but that didn't keep him from crying out in his darker moments. In fact, it is a testimony to who God is, and who David was that in a darker times we still find ourselves turning to God and clinging to his promises. So i guess all this to say I still have to be taught the hard way, but i hope every time that it brings me closer to Him, and i have to say, that right now, even though not everything is perfect i feel so close to my savior.
One last thing, a few weeks ago i had probably the best friend i will ever have call me. They didn't call to just say hi, but they called to call me out. I could tell it wasn't easy for them to say what they needed to say, but they did it so well, and their heart was so in the right place. It was awesome, and so i just want to say thanks, again!
At that point the light went off in my head, about a lot of things. The first thing that came to mind was what God must be thinking when i complain about these things. How can i, who on my own can do nothing, be upset when things that i feel that i deserve dont come about. Everything i have that is of any value i cannot lose and i cannot touch. John Pipper says it well in his book, Brothers we are not Professionals, "Salvation is a gift of God(eph 2:8). Love is a gift of God (1 thess. 3:12). Faith is a gift of god (1 Tim 1:14). Wisdom is a gift of God (Eph. 1:17). Joy is a gift of God (rom. 15:13). All these things are what we all long for, but too many time i look for it from things that aren't eternal, and it brings to the place where i question God, and if he knows whats best for me. But God, (which are possibly the two most beautiful words in the bible Eph 2:1-10) in his mercy, his Spirit in me, reminds me of who he is even while my flesh questions it.
Going back to my prayer about my joy be found in the Lord. If you every read the new testament you'll see that the authors are always talking about keeping your mind on the eternal things of God and get rid of the things which belong to our earthly flesh ( Col 3:1-11). Its no wonder cause if i can get to the point where i can live this out, then Satan can't touch me, cause he can't touch God's truth, see Job.
One other of the big things that popped up was David and his psalms. I think for the first time i began to understand how in the same moment he could cry out to god about how you can feel forsaken yet in the next moment praise his steadfastness and justice and truth and mercy and love etc... David wasn't an idiot, he was human, who knew God and knew his promises were true, but that didn't keep him from crying out in his darker moments. In fact, it is a testimony to who God is, and who David was that in a darker times we still find ourselves turning to God and clinging to his promises. So i guess all this to say I still have to be taught the hard way, but i hope every time that it brings me closer to Him, and i have to say, that right now, even though not everything is perfect i feel so close to my savior.
One last thing, a few weeks ago i had probably the best friend i will ever have call me. They didn't call to just say hi, but they called to call me out. I could tell it wasn't easy for them to say what they needed to say, but they did it so well, and their heart was so in the right place. It was awesome, and so i just want to say thanks, again!
Friday, September 19, 2008
SUNSETS
We have been created for more. Whether you are a christian or not, we can all agree that the world is messed up and so are we. Anyone who can't agree with this is on the same level as a purple hippo with its head in the sand. For a while this world was in harmony with its purpose for creation, but ever since the fall everything has changed and this earth was given over to sin and brokenness. Our souls were created to be in complete union with its creator, but when we sinned, that was no longer possible. So we have this thing inside of us all, whether christian or not, that longs for more.
For example, i am 23, so that means i have seen over 70,000 sunsets. The best one i have ever seen was when i was in italy, it was incredibly beautiful. (see left) However, even after that night i have not stopped looking west at sunset. What i mean is this. If this world was all there was, then when i saw this sunset i should have been completely satisfied and never needing to look again, yet something inside me continues to long for more. I have this thing inside me that pushes me to continue to move toward and search for beauty. And no matter how beautiful something is, i long for more, i can't get enough. So what i am saying is that i was created for more than what i can experience here on earth.
Another example is us. I'm going to pretty much assume that we all have been attracted to one another at some point. There is nothing like being in love. But why the heck are we attracted to each other??? We search for someone who will accept us and love us for who we are, a best friend whose partnership is built on a promise of forever. And i think that we do this because marriage is the closest we can come to the relationship God intended to have with us. It's like the sunset example. times a lot. There we keep looking for an outward beauty, but in the pursuit of a spouse it goes so much deeper. We all wish for a deeply personal relationship, like the one God intended to have with us. I think we want someone to love us for who we are, good and bad, even wierd. Maybe we even crave the thought that someone would love us not for what we can do for them but because they can't stand the thought of not being with us. So much so that they would do anything to bring us to them. This is the stuff that makes great movies and novels, maybe even a good gosspel??? So i guess the way i look at it is, the same things we look for in someone to spend the rest of our life with is the same things that moves me toward Jesus. Again whether christian or not, as a fellow human we are all searching for it. I think God made us this way to point us toward him, remind us that we are created for more. And whether it's a sunset or your spouse, its not for us, but for his glory, to remind us that we are created for more, which can only be found in Him and come from Him.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Didn't i tell you....
So one of my favorite things about God is how he speaks to me. With the exception of two times, i have not herd him speak to me in a direct verbal way. I want to add that when he spoke i listened, and did what i felt like he wanted me too and what resulted was the most amazing transformation of life. One was during Christmas break of my third year at college. Basically i was asking him how much longer would i have to continue to get let down and experience difficult times and for that matter, why am i even having to go through these issues and times in the first place. Immediately, i herd him say, cause i want more of you, all of you, you're not done and I'm not done with you. The other time was just shortly before that, right after some of the issues that led me to that last question. Again i was asking him, ok why? I knew that everything was happening for a reason, but had no clue why and i was pretty ticked cause i figured God owed me some of the desires of my heart, after all i'm a good kid. Well anyway, in the mist of talking to him, he literally said, Pine Cove, go. So i am not kidding, i knew it was a camp but that was all, so i googled it, and never looked back. I really feel like writing a book titled, 'Everything i Learned about God, I learned from an evil 11 or 12 year old', j/k but seriously.
I can already tell that this is gonna be a two parter.
So that was kinda the back story, i just felt like telling that might help understand what i'm about to say next. God speaks. All the time. I know i don't hear him as often as i should cause i'm too busy filling up my heart with noise. So if i say 'oh, i'm not hearing God speak' it's not an issue of God has lost my number, it's an i'm not listening thing.
When God speaks to me, it's usually him revealing his truths to me about who he is. This comes in lost of different forms, and the base of this is the study of his word cause without it, i would not be able to differentiate between God's truth and Satan's lies. I cannot begin to explain how important this is. Satan is the one who tells 11yr old girls to cut themselves with knives ( saw that a camp, and you want your heart to break, talk to someone who has bought into Satan's lies.) John 8:44. God wants our hearts, he died for it.
So what i want to share is what he has said to me recently,
I am on your side, didn't I, didn't I tell you...
Sure, call me lame, whatever, but i really enjoy colbie caillat's music. That line is from her song realize, and for some reason, i think this is the guy in me, but i don't think much of guy/girl relationships on this one, but i hear that as the cry of God's heart after me, and all of us for that matter. I kinda get this picture of this intensely personal God who has chased us and hurts when we hurt and hurts even more when we dont turn to him. I kinda feel like it fits right in where in John 6 most of Jesus's disciples leave him after he tells them 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty...and whoever comes to me i will never drive away...that i shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up on the last day." John 6:35-39. This is what caused most of his disciples to leave him! So Jesus finishes tell them about how his body will be broken and his blood will be spilt for them. As all these men are leaving him, Jesus turns to the few who have stayed and asks, "You do not want to leave me too, do you?" And i don't think this is Jesus challenging them, but this is him desperately longing to reconcile with his creation that turned from him, and he's hurt that after he's told them how he is gonna make it all right again, they leave, they walk away, again, just like in the Garden when Adam hides from God.
And this isn't just some new version of God in the new testament, this has been his heart beat from the very beginning. In Jeremiah 3, God tells Jeremiah to tell Israel, "How gladly would i treat you like sons and give you the most desirable land, the most beautiful inheritance of any nation. i thought you would call me Father and not turn away from following me. But like a woman unfaithful to her husband, so you have been unfaithful to me, O house of Israel". In fact, from the very moment we separated ourselves from God in the Garden, God tells us his plan of sending a boy to crush the one he led us astray.
And that is one of the things i love about God, he speaks, and he shows me his truth, even if it comes from Colbie Caillat's song.
I can already tell that this is gonna be a two parter.
So that was kinda the back story, i just felt like telling that might help understand what i'm about to say next. God speaks. All the time. I know i don't hear him as often as i should cause i'm too busy filling up my heart with noise. So if i say 'oh, i'm not hearing God speak' it's not an issue of God has lost my number, it's an i'm not listening thing.
When God speaks to me, it's usually him revealing his truths to me about who he is. This comes in lost of different forms, and the base of this is the study of his word cause without it, i would not be able to differentiate between God's truth and Satan's lies. I cannot begin to explain how important this is. Satan is the one who tells 11yr old girls to cut themselves with knives ( saw that a camp, and you want your heart to break, talk to someone who has bought into Satan's lies.) John 8:44. God wants our hearts, he died for it.
So what i want to share is what he has said to me recently,
I am on your side, didn't I, didn't I tell you...
Sure, call me lame, whatever, but i really enjoy colbie caillat's music. That line is from her song realize, and for some reason, i think this is the guy in me, but i don't think much of guy/girl relationships on this one, but i hear that as the cry of God's heart after me, and all of us for that matter. I kinda get this picture of this intensely personal God who has chased us and hurts when we hurt and hurts even more when we dont turn to him. I kinda feel like it fits right in where in John 6 most of Jesus's disciples leave him after he tells them 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty...and whoever comes to me i will never drive away...that i shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up on the last day." John 6:35-39. This is what caused most of his disciples to leave him! So Jesus finishes tell them about how his body will be broken and his blood will be spilt for them. As all these men are leaving him, Jesus turns to the few who have stayed and asks, "You do not want to leave me too, do you?" And i don't think this is Jesus challenging them, but this is him desperately longing to reconcile with his creation that turned from him, and he's hurt that after he's told them how he is gonna make it all right again, they leave, they walk away, again, just like in the Garden when Adam hides from God.
And this isn't just some new version of God in the new testament, this has been his heart beat from the very beginning. In Jeremiah 3, God tells Jeremiah to tell Israel, "How gladly would i treat you like sons and give you the most desirable land, the most beautiful inheritance of any nation. i thought you would call me Father and not turn away from following me. But like a woman unfaithful to her husband, so you have been unfaithful to me, O house of Israel". In fact, from the very moment we separated ourselves from God in the Garden, God tells us his plan of sending a boy to crush the one he led us astray.
And that is one of the things i love about God, he speaks, and he shows me his truth, even if it comes from Colbie Caillat's song.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Feeling
"Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. -Isaiah 49:13
"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."
- Matthew 9:35-36
"...Father, i have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men. So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, thew his arms around him and kissed him." - Luke 15:18b-20
"Jesus wept." -John 11:35
Since i have started work, i spend a lot of my time working, naturally. So i find myself longing for summers past where i could spend my time on other things. Over and over again i think back to my time at camp particularly as a counselor. My first week of my second summer was one of the toughest weeks i ever had a camp. I had 8th grade boys, 8 of them, and seven of them were great. One was not, he was ADHD and i think slightly evil bent on taking me down. He would often recruit the rest of the cabin to take part in some way with him so it was often kinda crazy and they did their fair share of picking up pine cones all over camp. So it's very difficult to try to display the love of Christ to them while at the same time wanting to throw them through the wall. Haha, jk lol, but seriously.
At some point during the week we would sit down with every camper and have 'one on one' time. This was a chance to get to know them better and to let them know you better on a personal level. Most importantly it was a chance to get to know where the kids were spiritually. i would usually try to get these done the first few days of camp so i could relate to the campers better. Normally i really look forward to these cause when you finally get a 12yr old one on one and show them you care about them, the tend to show their human side. But i was not looking forward to my time with this kid. But thursday came and the time came where i needed to do it.
Without going into much detail these conversations would usually focus on me sharing with the campers about how their salvation is not dependent on whether or not the hit their brother, or went to church, or lied, but that when they become Christians the Holy Spirit comes inside of them and that's how God sees us, is not has sinners, but has pure and blameless cause God lives in us, Eph 1:13-14. But this one on one was different. It came to the point where I told him God wants him and that being a christian means an eternity with him, but without Him we are destined for hell. He told me that he wasn't a christian, which i knew, but that he didnt really care what would happen. That was kind of the short story but i hope you get the point. The reason i am sharing this is not because he didnt become a christian, but because for the first time in my life i began to understand those verses at the beginning of this blog.
I was crushed. Literally inside, i was broken hearted. I was glad he was honest, but i was so furious with how satan can twist our hearts that we can't see that our only hope is God in whom we have life, joy, hope, and eternity, and how he can say, 'you dont need that, look, here is video game.' or whatever he uses to distract us. The rest of the day was not a good one. I cannot accurately explain what i was going through. All week i couldn't stand him and then all of a sudden i sat down with him for 45 mins, and my heart was bleeding for him. The week ended with him telling me that he learned a lot and he shared that he could really feel the spirit during worship that thursday night, but i didn't see a decision. So i don't know where he is in this journey now but hopefully i will someday.
God is so good, cause he used this kid who i wanted to crush to teach me what compassion looks like. Oh man, let me tell it is a lot harder to be the center of the universe when you start to care about others well being more than your own. It really changes the way you look at people and it kinda uproots your priorities just a bit. When you start to understand that we are all hostages of a broken world you start to find it much easier to love people who are living dead. You realize we all need Him, and that there is an epic battle for our souls, and those people who live in the bottom of a bottle or just looking for the next high or whatever, are just trying to fill the hole that is left when you are separated from your Creator. If i can be real for a moment, as a Christian who was fortunate to spend almost 16yrs before becoming one, and two more before i started to live like it, i can understand how easy it is to mistake that hole of not knowing your creator as needing to just be cooler, or smarter, or better looking or more successful or making the best team . Once you accomplish that, then maybe that hole will be filled, until you realise that with ever success that hole just gets bigger cause you realise that you can't make it go away, you just go deeper and deeper until you don't recognize yourself any more and you have hardened yourself so that you don't think you even have a hole. Let me say that the world becomes a very dark and cold place when you have no hope.
All this to say, is compassion is dangerous. It will push you to understand the human condition, and you might find yourself loving people who you thought you never could. You might just weep, you might just become more like Jesus. And i don't know what this looks like for you, but this is how i learned to understand compassion, i wish i remembered this lesson more often, i think God would be glorified in my life much more, but i hope i'm doing better than before.
"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."
- Matthew 9:35-36
"...Father, i have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men. So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, thew his arms around him and kissed him." - Luke 15:18b-20
"Jesus wept." -John 11:35
Since i have started work, i spend a lot of my time working, naturally. So i find myself longing for summers past where i could spend my time on other things. Over and over again i think back to my time at camp particularly as a counselor. My first week of my second summer was one of the toughest weeks i ever had a camp. I had 8th grade boys, 8 of them, and seven of them were great. One was not, he was ADHD and i think slightly evil bent on taking me down. He would often recruit the rest of the cabin to take part in some way with him so it was often kinda crazy and they did their fair share of picking up pine cones all over camp. So it's very difficult to try to display the love of Christ to them while at the same time wanting to throw them through the wall. Haha, jk lol, but seriously.
At some point during the week we would sit down with every camper and have 'one on one' time. This was a chance to get to know them better and to let them know you better on a personal level. Most importantly it was a chance to get to know where the kids were spiritually. i would usually try to get these done the first few days of camp so i could relate to the campers better. Normally i really look forward to these cause when you finally get a 12yr old one on one and show them you care about them, the tend to show their human side. But i was not looking forward to my time with this kid. But thursday came and the time came where i needed to do it.
Without going into much detail these conversations would usually focus on me sharing with the campers about how their salvation is not dependent on whether or not the hit their brother, or went to church, or lied, but that when they become Christians the Holy Spirit comes inside of them and that's how God sees us, is not has sinners, but has pure and blameless cause God lives in us, Eph 1:13-14. But this one on one was different. It came to the point where I told him God wants him and that being a christian means an eternity with him, but without Him we are destined for hell. He told me that he wasn't a christian, which i knew, but that he didnt really care what would happen. That was kind of the short story but i hope you get the point. The reason i am sharing this is not because he didnt become a christian, but because for the first time in my life i began to understand those verses at the beginning of this blog.
I was crushed. Literally inside, i was broken hearted. I was glad he was honest, but i was so furious with how satan can twist our hearts that we can't see that our only hope is God in whom we have life, joy, hope, and eternity, and how he can say, 'you dont need that, look, here is video game.' or whatever he uses to distract us. The rest of the day was not a good one. I cannot accurately explain what i was going through. All week i couldn't stand him and then all of a sudden i sat down with him for 45 mins, and my heart was bleeding for him. The week ended with him telling me that he learned a lot and he shared that he could really feel the spirit during worship that thursday night, but i didn't see a decision. So i don't know where he is in this journey now but hopefully i will someday.
God is so good, cause he used this kid who i wanted to crush to teach me what compassion looks like. Oh man, let me tell it is a lot harder to be the center of the universe when you start to care about others well being more than your own. It really changes the way you look at people and it kinda uproots your priorities just a bit. When you start to understand that we are all hostages of a broken world you start to find it much easier to love people who are living dead. You realize we all need Him, and that there is an epic battle for our souls, and those people who live in the bottom of a bottle or just looking for the next high or whatever, are just trying to fill the hole that is left when you are separated from your Creator. If i can be real for a moment, as a Christian who was fortunate to spend almost 16yrs before becoming one, and two more before i started to live like it, i can understand how easy it is to mistake that hole of not knowing your creator as needing to just be cooler, or smarter, or better looking or more successful or making the best team . Once you accomplish that, then maybe that hole will be filled, until you realise that with ever success that hole just gets bigger cause you realise that you can't make it go away, you just go deeper and deeper until you don't recognize yourself any more and you have hardened yourself so that you don't think you even have a hole. Let me say that the world becomes a very dark and cold place when you have no hope.
All this to say, is compassion is dangerous. It will push you to understand the human condition, and you might find yourself loving people who you thought you never could. You might just weep, you might just become more like Jesus. And i don't know what this looks like for you, but this is how i learned to understand compassion, i wish i remembered this lesson more often, i think God would be glorified in my life much more, but i hope i'm doing better than before.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
There is this story in the gospel of Luke about Jesus visiting the home of Martha and Mary. The whole point of the story is to explain how sinful cleaning your house is. Jesus clearly sides with Mary after Martha gets upset that Mary is listening to Jesus instead of sweeping the floors. Luke 10:38-42
Ok, it's really that easy to get the bible to say what you want it to say. Once during my freshmen year of college i was in an english class and we were having debates about random topics. One of them ended up being public prayer in school, so there would be two teams and each would be assigned a position, either for or against the issue. During the debate one of the members for the anti prayer side quoted Jesus when he said "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father in heaven, who is unseen." Matthew 6:6, he thus made the argument that even Jesus did not want public prayer in school ( I think it was Joel Olsteen now that i think about it).
Ummm, clearly this has nothing to do with prayer in school, to be honest i personally don't care about the subject, we have bigger issues than forcing people who dont know Chist to pray to him in public while we sit back and let the poor and hungry and hurt and addicted and lost fend for themselves cause how dare we actually fulfill the role of Jesus while he's gone. Jesus, in Matthew 6, was talking about the issue of pride and how the Pharisees used prayer as an ego trip. In short, Jesus was ticked cause prayer was being used to glorify people instead of himself, God.
So all this to say is be careful what you take as truth, check it with the scriptures. Just because something sounds catching or makes you feel good doesnt mean it has anything to do with the truth ( politicians, pastors, people, everyone). One more thing, have you ever noticed that people claim truth when they agree with what it says, but it's an agenda or a conspiracy theory when they don't. For example, the guy making the point about school prayer in our debate, took this Jesus quote as a statement of truth, but i wonder about the part where Jesus dies on the cross to save us from this broken system of a world and to unite us with him the way it was always planned since before the beginning of the beginning, i wonder if he claims that as truth too? I wonder if very many of us do as well, i think if more of us did, this place might look a little different.
So be critical, be open minded, have integrity, consider all viewpoints, try to relate with people. Yes, i think you can do all of those and still claim Christ as the one real and ultimate truth, which is why it is so important to know what you believe and why, otherwise you will fall for this trap of the world telling you unless you believe everything (except Christ) then you are a backward, redneck, uneducated meatball. And since i going completely random tonight, i was thinking the other day how usually people who have a problem with God subscribe to the darwin theory (theory= maybe there is a chance that this idea could possibly be something close to what actually might be true). Darwin says that the strongest survive, basically, right? Then those same people are the ones who cry and scream about some bird who's home is being torn down by humans right? I just think thats funny cause at least christians aren't the only ones who dont know how to live what they believe, but we sure do get blasted for it. I wish we would get blasted for telling someone about Christ, or selling all of our stuff to help out the less fortunate, or adopting kids whose have no parents cause they died of AIDS or at least giving an insignificant amount of money ($32 a month) and some prayer and a few letters, which means food, hope and an education for someone somewhere, or something so radical like that, that Jesus might have suggested it. I for one, will say that i fail when it comes to this, but i working on being more like him.
This was not at all what i intended to write but the tangents just came out.
Also, i want to say that i am not at all claiming to know how to be a christian better than anyone else, or to have it figured out. I just know the One who does. I just have ideas which i test with scripture but if you ever see something that doesnt fit with what the gospel says, call me out, please. I just like to think about these kind of things so i started writing them down.
sorry for the endless runons. they happen.
if you are like me and want to do something to help children, i suggest compassion international. Fantastic ministry that feeds kids, gives them educations, hope, and shares Christ with them all over the world. 32 dollars, a few letters, prayer is all it takes to help someone out.
Ok, it's really that easy to get the bible to say what you want it to say. Once during my freshmen year of college i was in an english class and we were having debates about random topics. One of them ended up being public prayer in school, so there would be two teams and each would be assigned a position, either for or against the issue. During the debate one of the members for the anti prayer side quoted Jesus when he said "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father in heaven, who is unseen." Matthew 6:6, he thus made the argument that even Jesus did not want public prayer in school ( I think it was Joel Olsteen now that i think about it).
Ummm, clearly this has nothing to do with prayer in school, to be honest i personally don't care about the subject, we have bigger issues than forcing people who dont know Chist to pray to him in public while we sit back and let the poor and hungry and hurt and addicted and lost fend for themselves cause how dare we actually fulfill the role of Jesus while he's gone. Jesus, in Matthew 6, was talking about the issue of pride and how the Pharisees used prayer as an ego trip. In short, Jesus was ticked cause prayer was being used to glorify people instead of himself, God.
So all this to say is be careful what you take as truth, check it with the scriptures. Just because something sounds catching or makes you feel good doesnt mean it has anything to do with the truth ( politicians, pastors, people, everyone). One more thing, have you ever noticed that people claim truth when they agree with what it says, but it's an agenda or a conspiracy theory when they don't. For example, the guy making the point about school prayer in our debate, took this Jesus quote as a statement of truth, but i wonder about the part where Jesus dies on the cross to save us from this broken system of a world and to unite us with him the way it was always planned since before the beginning of the beginning, i wonder if he claims that as truth too? I wonder if very many of us do as well, i think if more of us did, this place might look a little different.
So be critical, be open minded, have integrity, consider all viewpoints, try to relate with people. Yes, i think you can do all of those and still claim Christ as the one real and ultimate truth, which is why it is so important to know what you believe and why, otherwise you will fall for this trap of the world telling you unless you believe everything (except Christ) then you are a backward, redneck, uneducated meatball. And since i going completely random tonight, i was thinking the other day how usually people who have a problem with God subscribe to the darwin theory (theory= maybe there is a chance that this idea could possibly be something close to what actually might be true). Darwin says that the strongest survive, basically, right? Then those same people are the ones who cry and scream about some bird who's home is being torn down by humans right? I just think thats funny cause at least christians aren't the only ones who dont know how to live what they believe, but we sure do get blasted for it. I wish we would get blasted for telling someone about Christ, or selling all of our stuff to help out the less fortunate, or adopting kids whose have no parents cause they died of AIDS or at least giving an insignificant amount of money ($32 a month) and some prayer and a few letters, which means food, hope and an education for someone somewhere, or something so radical like that, that Jesus might have suggested it. I for one, will say that i fail when it comes to this, but i working on being more like him.
This was not at all what i intended to write but the tangents just came out.
Also, i want to say that i am not at all claiming to know how to be a christian better than anyone else, or to have it figured out. I just know the One who does. I just have ideas which i test with scripture but if you ever see something that doesnt fit with what the gospel says, call me out, please. I just like to think about these kind of things so i started writing them down.
sorry for the endless runons. they happen.
if you are like me and want to do something to help children, i suggest compassion international. Fantastic ministry that feeds kids, gives them educations, hope, and shares Christ with them all over the world. 32 dollars, a few letters, prayer is all it takes to help someone out.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Blindfolded: Part II
This is part two. What makes part two become part two, it is the fact that there is a part one. Part two will make much more sense if you include part one.
In the other section i talked about that mission trip in Honduras were we came together and shared our junk, and how through that i truly felt that the gospel had meaning for one of the first times in my life. What if, this was how we related to people who don't know Christ. What if we had an understanding of what grace and mercy truly are. Paul did. I just got a lesson in that several weeks ago from a tshirt. I was at Pine Cove helping set up for camp. I loved that week and one of the fun parts for me was looking at every one's shirts, trust me, when you get several hundred college christians together, you get a lot of interesting shirts. So i saw this one guy who's shirt had with the name 'Scum of the Earth Church' on it and i just thought it was interesting but didn't give it much thought. Well a few weeks latter i was reading through 1 Corinthians for the first time, and i kinda learned something about God and the church by accident.
'We have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.' 1 Cor 4:13b
This is how Paul ends his description of his fellow apostles. All of a sudden that cute shirt i saw was laden with some thick truth. I may be guilty of miss applying this scripture but it seems that instead of thinking of ourselves as better than everyone, maybe we should humble ourselves. Maybe we should check our pride at the door of our daily lives. I can't say what this looks like for everyone, but for me i can think of so many things in my life where i failed at this that it hurts. It's so lame to think i missed it so many times, but I'm trying to do better. It's not easy and if you have ever been around me you'll know how much i struggle with this.
Have you ever tried to love someone that isn't as good as you. Or, have you ever tried to relate to someone who has messed up where you haven't. If you are like me, probably not cause if you really believe that those previous statements are true then you are probably not in a place to try to love other people. When i was on that mission trip and we were all open about our junk, it became so easy to love and relate cause we were all on the same level and we weren't being fake and focusing on putting up walls of happy faces. instead we were too busy trying to figure out how to live life to bring the God who chased after us glory. So this part about being on the same level brings up a good point that i believe is essential to learning how to live out the gospel in a broken world. Once again Paul says it quite well,
'As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you use to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings or our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in our transgressions, it is by grace that you have been saved.' Eph 2:1-5
When you understand this, and you understand that everyone human has at some point been disobedient and it is only by grace that God showed us mercy, HOW CAN YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE! The only difference between me and joe six pack is that i am on the right side of the blood of Christ, in the form of a free gift that i did not and cannot earn.
I just wish christians would just sit down and listen to people. Maybe somewhere in that conversation we would find out why that person is the way they are, chances are most people don't plan on drug abuse or becoming addicted to sex. I bet we would learn a lot. I bet somewhere in there we could talk about some of our junk too. Then maybe we could build a friendship built on 'common junk sharing'. Maybe in the mist of the friendship that person would ask us how we could over come our junk. We could talk about how Christ helped us put our lives back together and how its not easy but its better, its not a quick fix but its better than chasing the world. And we could do this without shame cause there is nothing to hide, instead of condemning that person we actually tried living life with them, in the same way Jesus would. This doesn't mean we condone their sin. Not at all, but we share common ground. I bet that would be the first time that person had ever met a christian who didn't look down on them or write them off. I wonder what this looks like when some of our churches now include weight rooms, book stores, cafes, coffee bars, and athletic facilities. What an awesome way of being the arms and feet of Christ, building walls so that we don't have to mix with the unchruched. No wonder we are the butt of jokes on tv. Come to our church and you wont ever have to be around anyone who is different and might make you live out your Christianity. No wonder we think we can only tell people about Christ on mission trips far away from home. I'm pretty sure that the Bible says 'to be in the world not of it', but not 'be in the world only while driving to chruchcityUSA'. Our sports teams need christians, our schools need christians, our coffee shops need christians, our businesses need chirstians, we have to live life with people. Not because we are better but because if we don't, how will they know? By no means am i saying that God is limited in how he moves, i just think that the 'unfixed' are much more likely to come to know Him when i can live out my life with them, together.
In the other section i talked about that mission trip in Honduras were we came together and shared our junk, and how through that i truly felt that the gospel had meaning for one of the first times in my life. What if, this was how we related to people who don't know Christ. What if we had an understanding of what grace and mercy truly are. Paul did. I just got a lesson in that several weeks ago from a tshirt. I was at Pine Cove helping set up for camp. I loved that week and one of the fun parts for me was looking at every one's shirts, trust me, when you get several hundred college christians together, you get a lot of interesting shirts. So i saw this one guy who's shirt had with the name 'Scum of the Earth Church' on it and i just thought it was interesting but didn't give it much thought. Well a few weeks latter i was reading through 1 Corinthians for the first time, and i kinda learned something about God and the church by accident.
'We have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.' 1 Cor 4:13b
This is how Paul ends his description of his fellow apostles. All of a sudden that cute shirt i saw was laden with some thick truth. I may be guilty of miss applying this scripture but it seems that instead of thinking of ourselves as better than everyone, maybe we should humble ourselves. Maybe we should check our pride at the door of our daily lives. I can't say what this looks like for everyone, but for me i can think of so many things in my life where i failed at this that it hurts. It's so lame to think i missed it so many times, but I'm trying to do better. It's not easy and if you have ever been around me you'll know how much i struggle with this.
Have you ever tried to love someone that isn't as good as you. Or, have you ever tried to relate to someone who has messed up where you haven't. If you are like me, probably not cause if you really believe that those previous statements are true then you are probably not in a place to try to love other people. When i was on that mission trip and we were all open about our junk, it became so easy to love and relate cause we were all on the same level and we weren't being fake and focusing on putting up walls of happy faces. instead we were too busy trying to figure out how to live life to bring the God who chased after us glory. So this part about being on the same level brings up a good point that i believe is essential to learning how to live out the gospel in a broken world. Once again Paul says it quite well,
'As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you use to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings or our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in our transgressions, it is by grace that you have been saved.' Eph 2:1-5
When you understand this, and you understand that everyone human has at some point been disobedient and it is only by grace that God showed us mercy, HOW CAN YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE! The only difference between me and joe six pack is that i am on the right side of the blood of Christ, in the form of a free gift that i did not and cannot earn.
I just wish christians would just sit down and listen to people. Maybe somewhere in that conversation we would find out why that person is the way they are, chances are most people don't plan on drug abuse or becoming addicted to sex. I bet we would learn a lot. I bet somewhere in there we could talk about some of our junk too. Then maybe we could build a friendship built on 'common junk sharing'. Maybe in the mist of the friendship that person would ask us how we could over come our junk. We could talk about how Christ helped us put our lives back together and how its not easy but its better, its not a quick fix but its better than chasing the world. And we could do this without shame cause there is nothing to hide, instead of condemning that person we actually tried living life with them, in the same way Jesus would. This doesn't mean we condone their sin. Not at all, but we share common ground. I bet that would be the first time that person had ever met a christian who didn't look down on them or write them off. I wonder what this looks like when some of our churches now include weight rooms, book stores, cafes, coffee bars, and athletic facilities. What an awesome way of being the arms and feet of Christ, building walls so that we don't have to mix with the unchruched. No wonder we are the butt of jokes on tv. Come to our church and you wont ever have to be around anyone who is different and might make you live out your Christianity. No wonder we think we can only tell people about Christ on mission trips far away from home. I'm pretty sure that the Bible says 'to be in the world not of it', but not 'be in the world only while driving to chruchcityUSA'. Our sports teams need christians, our schools need christians, our coffee shops need christians, our businesses need chirstians, we have to live life with people. Not because we are better but because if we don't, how will they know? By no means am i saying that God is limited in how he moves, i just think that the 'unfixed' are much more likely to come to know Him when i can live out my life with them, together.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Blindfolded: Part I
So i cant think right now. I have tittled this section Blindfolded and i know what i want to say but i don't know how to say it (Wow that came out well, almost like you woldnt know that i have been trying to write for the past half hour). What i want to say is how as Christians we are so caught up in our own self righteousness that we forget what being a christian is about. Its gotten to the point where i am afraid to call my self a christian to new people i meet. It's like it's a bad word, i kinda feel that it is or at least that it has been robbed by religious people and agendas and superhappymegachurches that preach the feel good gospel or even those people that stand outside abortion clinics holding signs that have words like God or Jesus on them but have nothing at all to do with them.
Here's the point. I don't think people have a problem with God or Jesus, even those who eventually killed him couldn't say anything bad about him. What is someone who says i don't believe in God really saying? Have they met God, did they sit down with Jesus and have a conversation about his plan to rescue humanity and restore it to a place where everything is right again, a place without death and sickness and sweat and hunger and the way he was gonna do it was through the greatest act of love and mercy ever, and then did that person say, 'no, i don't think so i'll take alcohol abuse which will lead to losing my faimily in 5 years instead, you're too hypocritical and self righteous. I don't think so, it probably goes something more like this, 'yeah, i know some 'christians' and i don't see anything in them that makes me want anything to do with this Jesus thing.'
Am i right? If we are christians then doesn't that mean that the holy spirit is in us? Does that not mean that until Christ comes back we are suppose to be his representatives here on earth? I am so sick of hearing the gospel robbed of its meaning, it all just makes me so tired. For some reason we think that church is a place to go and fix ourselves, like it's some weekly self help session. Do we not all go to churches where they have series called, 'how to pray better' or '5 steps to a deeper walk', really?!? Not that by going to church these things wont happen, but if we could accomplish these things with self help tutorials and five step programs don't you think that somewhere in the gospel we would find these. shouldn't the sermon on the mount be in bullet points??? What's even better than this is when we are around other Christians, we all become so happy and perfect. We hide are stuff so people wont know about them cause god forbid we share our junk and let other people help us, or maybe even help others who are also struggling, but we are way to selfish for that, we cant look bad, i got fixed when i was saved (this very much is speaking about myself right now).
I remember when i first learned that other people who claimed Jesus were messed up just like me. I was in Honduras on a mission trip with about 30 guys and girls from a&m, i mean i had herd other guys talk about lust and stuff like that before, but this was the first time i woke to the fact that everyone is screwed up, which makes us need Jesus so much more everyday. So every night two of us would go up after some sweet music and signing and give our testimonies, one guy and one girl, in front of the whole group, i was stupid and volunteered to go. The whole week, every night were tears and sadness, joy, tough moments and a load of honesty and the whole thing was so good. I think 4 of the 5 or 6 girls that got up talked about self image issues like eating disorders or addiction to exercise cause they weren't skinny enough, others talked about bad relationships and how some of us miss placed our since of self worth and tried finding it in boy and girlfriends or sports or grades or making our peers and families happy. I remember sitting there think my gosh, you are so beautiful how could you ever see that and think that. Others talked about bad childhoods and deaths and divorce, relationships that were way too physical. Every night we would talk about this stuff and it would just come out and we all had different junk, its was like we became the great band of the we got junk. What makes all of this so beautiful was there was healing there. One of the leaders from Honduras talked on the last night, and he talked about this chair that we would all go sit in while talking and he called it the pain chair. The he talked about the week Jesus came to Jerusalem to die, it's called the Passion. Then he talked about why its called the passion, the word passion means suffering. Literally the death of Christ defines the word passion and it was good in that moment to know that in the same way we suffered, how much more did Jesus, thats why he did it that way right? He showed us that he can understand our pain cause anytime one of us feels rejected and hurt he can turn to us and say 'i've been there, i was rejected and hurt too. Is he not the God of the rejected and hurt? I feel like anyone would have turned to Christ if they could have been a part of what went on in that week, there were no agendas or self help steps, just a bunch of junkies living together to bring glory to our King. That week we helped build an orphanage, we played with and held children who's parents died of AIDS, kids who were starving(and not the i havent eating in 6 hours starving, but the, my belly is swelling cause im dying kinda starving) we related to people, we loved each other. That week was the gospel, we didn't need five steps just one, ok two, love the God and love his people he created. I think ill go to church one day and say all you need are two steps to a better life; love God and love his people then walk right back off. I wonder how many of people would come back the next week.
this was long, sorry. But lets call this part one, cause i have more to say but i need sleep and who wants to read this much anywho.
Here's the point. I don't think people have a problem with God or Jesus, even those who eventually killed him couldn't say anything bad about him. What is someone who says i don't believe in God really saying? Have they met God, did they sit down with Jesus and have a conversation about his plan to rescue humanity and restore it to a place where everything is right again, a place without death and sickness and sweat and hunger and the way he was gonna do it was through the greatest act of love and mercy ever, and then did that person say, 'no, i don't think so i'll take alcohol abuse which will lead to losing my faimily in 5 years instead, you're too hypocritical and self righteous. I don't think so, it probably goes something more like this, 'yeah, i know some 'christians' and i don't see anything in them that makes me want anything to do with this Jesus thing.'
Am i right? If we are christians then doesn't that mean that the holy spirit is in us? Does that not mean that until Christ comes back we are suppose to be his representatives here on earth? I am so sick of hearing the gospel robbed of its meaning, it all just makes me so tired. For some reason we think that church is a place to go and fix ourselves, like it's some weekly self help session. Do we not all go to churches where they have series called, 'how to pray better' or '5 steps to a deeper walk', really?!? Not that by going to church these things wont happen, but if we could accomplish these things with self help tutorials and five step programs don't you think that somewhere in the gospel we would find these. shouldn't the sermon on the mount be in bullet points??? What's even better than this is when we are around other Christians, we all become so happy and perfect. We hide are stuff so people wont know about them cause god forbid we share our junk and let other people help us, or maybe even help others who are also struggling, but we are way to selfish for that, we cant look bad, i got fixed when i was saved (this very much is speaking about myself right now).
I remember when i first learned that other people who claimed Jesus were messed up just like me. I was in Honduras on a mission trip with about 30 guys and girls from a&m, i mean i had herd other guys talk about lust and stuff like that before, but this was the first time i woke to the fact that everyone is screwed up, which makes us need Jesus so much more everyday. So every night two of us would go up after some sweet music and signing and give our testimonies, one guy and one girl, in front of the whole group, i was stupid and volunteered to go. The whole week, every night were tears and sadness, joy, tough moments and a load of honesty and the whole thing was so good. I think 4 of the 5 or 6 girls that got up talked about self image issues like eating disorders or addiction to exercise cause they weren't skinny enough, others talked about bad relationships and how some of us miss placed our since of self worth and tried finding it in boy and girlfriends or sports or grades or making our peers and families happy. I remember sitting there think my gosh, you are so beautiful how could you ever see that and think that. Others talked about bad childhoods and deaths and divorce, relationships that were way too physical. Every night we would talk about this stuff and it would just come out and we all had different junk, its was like we became the great band of the we got junk. What makes all of this so beautiful was there was healing there. One of the leaders from Honduras talked on the last night, and he talked about this chair that we would all go sit in while talking and he called it the pain chair. The he talked about the week Jesus came to Jerusalem to die, it's called the Passion. Then he talked about why its called the passion, the word passion means suffering. Literally the death of Christ defines the word passion and it was good in that moment to know that in the same way we suffered, how much more did Jesus, thats why he did it that way right? He showed us that he can understand our pain cause anytime one of us feels rejected and hurt he can turn to us and say 'i've been there, i was rejected and hurt too. Is he not the God of the rejected and hurt? I feel like anyone would have turned to Christ if they could have been a part of what went on in that week, there were no agendas or self help steps, just a bunch of junkies living together to bring glory to our King. That week we helped build an orphanage, we played with and held children who's parents died of AIDS, kids who were starving(and not the i havent eating in 6 hours starving, but the, my belly is swelling cause im dying kinda starving) we related to people, we loved each other. That week was the gospel, we didn't need five steps just one, ok two, love the God and love his people he created. I think ill go to church one day and say all you need are two steps to a better life; love God and love his people then walk right back off. I wonder how many of people would come back the next week.
this was long, sorry. But lets call this part one, cause i have more to say but i need sleep and who wants to read this much anywho.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Beginnings
Yep, so i descided to begin blogging. I started once several years ago and it went for like 4 posts, so lets hope for better this time.
So my purose for this is to put down my thoughts of God down on paper (imaginary paper) cause i have a dream to write books one day. I trully feel that is something that has been put in me cuase i can't stand to wirte, and i can't even spell well, so this has to be from Him cause its too ironic.
To begin i want to give you my story or least explain what it looks like, which somewhere along the way stopped being my story but His. I wasn't really raised as a christian but i though i was at the time. My first time to go chruch on my own (i.e. not christmas or easter) was my sophomore year in highschool. I was there for several reasons, none of which included a closer walk with christ. Somehow that year i became a chirstian, i finally undestood that i was that good kid whose good stuff was infact not good at all. I needed Christ to stand for me. That was seven years ago.
Two years ago at camp i was involved in a group where we were asked why we were Christians. Ummmmmm, i don't want to go to hell, duh. I missed it, i missed it completely. After spending some more time on what the point of being a christian was, i figured out where my answer went wrong, or at least fell short of the point. I think the best way to explain my answer is like this... Picture a blind date right, I would assume that going on a blind date i wouldn't expect much, maybe some good convo or a cute date or a fun awkward evening but not much more than that. I would go into the date expecting a to get a certain outcome, much in the same way when i first went to church i went expecting a few friends, something to do, and to look good. BUT what if this blind date was followed by another, then another, and after some time i fell hopelessly in love with this girl and i gave everything to pursue her becuase i knew in her i was complete and that life was given meaning. That's how i see my journey with God. I came into it blind and got so much more than i thought or could have ever wanted. I have fallen for Christ, he has taken me and given me life. He has showed me that the answer to why i am a christian, the purpose of my creation is to glorify him. Once i understood that, everything seemed to make much more sense.
Don't get me wrong, just becasue i said everything makes more sense, doesn't mean my life has been made easy or that i am continully in a glorious mood. In fact resently i have been in a battle inside myself, so when i read what Paul wrote in Romans 7:13-25
The Conflict of Two Natures
"14For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.
15For what I am doing,I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.
16But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.
17So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.
19For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.
20But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
21I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.
22For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man,
23but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.
24Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?
25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
I love this, it's so honest and raw. Paul wasn't playing church, he was to busy working to further the kingdom of God. He knew that fellow believers didn't need to hear about how good they should be or how the prosperity gospel will work if you just pretend to be happy enough. I love Paul, he's to dumb to be smart and God counted him worthy, which gives me hope and encouragement.
All this to say, 8 years ago, i would have laughed at you if you had said i would have done the things i have and struggle to be who i am all in the name of Christ. But that's what you get when you try to date Jesus, he's better. Oh and i am still fitting with my flesh but i have hope in enternity and i will still fall but i know that Jesus will carry me home everytime, that came with the whole dating thing. This is why i titled the blog the BEAUTIFULfall cause i have fallen for Him, it hasn't been easy or allways fun, and that is what makes it beautiful.
So my purose for this is to put down my thoughts of God down on paper (imaginary paper) cause i have a dream to write books one day. I trully feel that is something that has been put in me cuase i can't stand to wirte, and i can't even spell well, so this has to be from Him cause its too ironic.
To begin i want to give you my story or least explain what it looks like, which somewhere along the way stopped being my story but His. I wasn't really raised as a christian but i though i was at the time. My first time to go chruch on my own (i.e. not christmas or easter) was my sophomore year in highschool. I was there for several reasons, none of which included a closer walk with christ. Somehow that year i became a chirstian, i finally undestood that i was that good kid whose good stuff was infact not good at all. I needed Christ to stand for me. That was seven years ago.
Two years ago at camp i was involved in a group where we were asked why we were Christians. Ummmmmm, i don't want to go to hell, duh. I missed it, i missed it completely. After spending some more time on what the point of being a christian was, i figured out where my answer went wrong, or at least fell short of the point. I think the best way to explain my answer is like this... Picture a blind date right, I would assume that going on a blind date i wouldn't expect much, maybe some good convo or a cute date or a fun awkward evening but not much more than that. I would go into the date expecting a to get a certain outcome, much in the same way when i first went to church i went expecting a few friends, something to do, and to look good. BUT what if this blind date was followed by another, then another, and after some time i fell hopelessly in love with this girl and i gave everything to pursue her becuase i knew in her i was complete and that life was given meaning. That's how i see my journey with God. I came into it blind and got so much more than i thought or could have ever wanted. I have fallen for Christ, he has taken me and given me life. He has showed me that the answer to why i am a christian, the purpose of my creation is to glorify him. Once i understood that, everything seemed to make much more sense.
Don't get me wrong, just becasue i said everything makes more sense, doesn't mean my life has been made easy or that i am continully in a glorious mood. In fact resently i have been in a battle inside myself, so when i read what Paul wrote in Romans 7:13-25
The Conflict of Two Natures
"14For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.
15For what I am doing,I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.
16But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.
17So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.
19For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.
20But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
21I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.
22For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man,
23but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.
24Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?
25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
I love this, it's so honest and raw. Paul wasn't playing church, he was to busy working to further the kingdom of God. He knew that fellow believers didn't need to hear about how good they should be or how the prosperity gospel will work if you just pretend to be happy enough. I love Paul, he's to dumb to be smart and God counted him worthy, which gives me hope and encouragement.
All this to say, 8 years ago, i would have laughed at you if you had said i would have done the things i have and struggle to be who i am all in the name of Christ. But that's what you get when you try to date Jesus, he's better. Oh and i am still fitting with my flesh but i have hope in enternity and i will still fall but i know that Jesus will carry me home everytime, that came with the whole dating thing. This is why i titled the blog the BEAUTIFULfall cause i have fallen for Him, it hasn't been easy or allways fun, and that is what makes it beautiful.
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