Jonny Cash

Last night i was reading 2 Tim. 4. Paul is writing instructions to timothy and during this time that Paul is writing he is about to be killed. And Paul comes to this point in the letter where he begins to look back at his life and this is what he says, "For i am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith." 2Tim 4:6-7. And i think you could read this and say well maybe Pau just has a very high view of himself, but remember this is the same guy who championed righteousness through faith and who wrote romans and said things like, "For i have the desire to do what is good, but i cannot carry it out. For what i do is not the good i want to do: no, the evil i do not want to do - this i keep on doing." Rom 7:17b-19.

So a couple of things come from this mostly on the first part of the verse cause i have already touched on the latter earlier.

One, i hope that when my time comes i can say that my life has been a drink offering to God. Its kinda funny cause i absolutely love this picture of my life being a drink offering. I think that I/we probably don't completely understand the idea of offerings to god and there symbolism and meaning and what not, so to help me i think of Johhy Cash. Jonny Cash lived a lot of wild years and got lost in drugs and lot of other messy things, but at some point he turned his life around (there is a lot more to his story). Not unlike a modern day Paul. Jonny Cash died recently and 3 months before he did, he preformed one last song, and it is very similar to what paul says in timothy in terms of perspective. The reason i thought of this is in the last minute of the video, Jonny is sitting at a table, and he pours out his wine and sings about his empire of dirt and its worthlessness. Its amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go

Second, i'm not about to die, or least not that i can foresee. Therefore, i can't look back with a lifetime of wisdom, but i can look back at two periods of my life. Highschool and college. I became a christian in highschool, but i cannot say much about it. In college, i can say my life began to reflect what i said i believed, and hope on my last day i can sit and say that i have poured my life out on the table for God. I want my life to be a gift to God, not because he needs it, but because it is pleasing to him and that's why i was created (Rom 12:1-2).

On a more personal note, i'm struggling with a decision i will probably have to face in the coming months. I feel that i should follow my heart, and in the worst case i'm afraid that if i do i could hurt some people who i care a lot about, and in the best case, i could look very foolish, but if i don't do anything i won't be true to myself. So in the event that this comes i pray that everyone can understand, and know that sometimes 'rules' can't predict what comes next. (i know this doesn't make any sense, but it does to me and just needed to say it here for my sake)

god is good