Blindfolded: Part I

So i cant think right now. I have tittled this section Blindfolded and i know what i want to say but i don't know how to say it (Wow that came out well, almost like you woldnt know that i have been trying to write for the past half hour). What i want to say is how as Christians we are so caught up in our own self righteousness that we forget what being a christian is about. Its gotten to the point where i am afraid to call my self a christian to new people i meet. It's like it's a bad word, i kinda feel that it is or at least that it has been robbed by religious people and agendas and superhappymegachurches that preach the feel good gospel or even those people that stand outside abortion clinics holding signs that have words like God or Jesus on them but have nothing at all to do with them.

Here's the point. I don't think people have a problem with God or Jesus, even those who eventually killed him couldn't say anything bad about him. What is someone who says i don't believe in God really saying? Have they met God, did they sit down with Jesus and have a conversation about his plan to rescue humanity and restore it to a place where everything is right again, a place without death and sickness and sweat and hunger and the way he was gonna do it was through the greatest act of love and mercy ever, and then did that person say, 'no, i don't think so i'll take alcohol abuse which will lead to losing my faimily in 5 years instead, you're too hypocritical and self righteous. I don't think so, it probably goes something more like this, 'yeah, i know some 'christians' and i don't see anything in them that makes me want anything to do with this Jesus thing.'

Am i right? If we are christians then doesn't that mean that the holy spirit is in us? Does that not mean that until Christ comes back we are suppose to be his representatives here on earth? I am so sick of hearing the gospel robbed of its meaning, it all just makes me so tired. For some reason we think that church is a place to go and fix ourselves, like it's some weekly self help session. Do we not all go to churches where they have series called, 'how to pray better' or '5 steps to a deeper walk', really?!? Not that by going to church these things wont happen, but if we could accomplish these things with self help tutorials and five step programs don't you think that somewhere in the gospel we would find these. shouldn't the sermon on the mount be in bullet points??? What's even better than this is when we are around other Christians, we all become so happy and perfect. We hide are stuff so people wont know about them cause god forbid we share our junk and let other people help us, or maybe even help others who are also struggling, but we are way to selfish for that, we cant look bad, i got fixed when i was saved (this very much is speaking about myself right now).

I remember when i first learned that other people who claimed Jesus were messed up just like me. I was in Honduras on a mission trip with about 30 guys and girls from a&m, i mean i had herd other guys talk about lust and stuff like that before, but this was the first time i woke to the fact that everyone is screwed up, which makes us need Jesus so much more everyday. So every night two of us would go up after some sweet music and signing and give our testimonies, one guy and one girl, in front of the whole group, i was stupid and volunteered to go. The whole week, every night were tears and sadness, joy, tough moments and a load of honesty and the whole thing was so good. I think 4 of the 5 or 6 girls that got up talked about self image issues like eating disorders or addiction to exercise cause they weren't skinny enough, others talked about bad relationships and how some of us miss placed our since of self worth and tried finding it in boy and girlfriends or sports or grades or making our peers and families happy. I remember sitting there think my gosh, you are so beautiful how could you ever see that and think that. Others talked about bad childhoods and deaths and divorce, relationships that were way too physical. Every night we would talk about this stuff and it would just come out and we all had different junk, its was like we became the great band of the we got junk. What makes all of this so beautiful was there was healing there. One of the leaders from Honduras talked on the last night, and he talked about this chair that we would all go sit in while talking and he called it the pain chair. The he talked about the week Jesus came to Jerusalem to die, it's called the Passion. Then he talked about why its called the passion, the word passion means suffering. Literally the death of Christ defines the word passion and it was good in that moment to know that in the same way we suffered, how much more did Jesus, thats why he did it that way right? He showed us that he can understand our pain cause anytime one of us feels rejected and hurt he can turn to us and say 'i've been there, i was rejected and hurt too. Is he not the God of the rejected and hurt? I feel like anyone would have turned to Christ if they could have been a part of what went on in that week, there were no agendas or self help steps, just a bunch of junkies living together to bring glory to our King. That week we helped build an orphanage, we played with and held children who's parents died of AIDS, kids who were starving(and not the i havent eating in 6 hours starving, but the, my belly is swelling cause im dying kinda starving) we related to people, we loved each other. That week was the gospel, we didn't need five steps just one, ok two, love the God and love his people he created. I think ill go to church one day and say all you need are two steps to a better life; love God and love his people then walk right back off. I wonder how many of people would come back the next week.

this was long, sorry. But lets call this part one, cause i have more to say but i need sleep and who wants to read this much anywho.