Beginnings

Yep, so i descided to begin blogging. I started once several years ago and it went for like 4 posts, so lets hope for better this time.

So my purose for this is to put down my thoughts of God down on paper (imaginary paper) cause i have a dream to write books one day. I trully feel that is something that has been put in me cuase i can't stand to wirte, and i can't even spell well, so this has to be from Him cause its too ironic.

To begin i want to give you my story or least explain what it looks like, which somewhere along the way stopped being my story but His. I wasn't really raised as a christian but i though i was at the time. My first time to go chruch on my own (i.e. not christmas or easter) was my sophomore year in highschool. I was there for several reasons, none of which included a closer walk with christ. Somehow that year i became a chirstian, i finally undestood that i was that good kid whose good stuff was infact not good at all. I needed Christ to stand for me. That was seven years ago.

Two years ago at camp i was involved in a group where we were asked why we were Christians. Ummmmmm, i don't want to go to hell, duh. I missed it, i missed it completely. After spending some more time on what the point of being a christian was, i figured out where my answer went wrong, or at least fell short of the point. I think the best way to explain my answer is like this... Picture a blind date right, I would assume that going on a blind date i wouldn't expect much, maybe some good convo or a cute date or a fun awkward evening but not much more than that. I would go into the date expecting a to get a certain outcome, much in the same way when i first went to church i went expecting a few friends, something to do, and to look good. BUT what if this blind date was followed by another, then another, and after some time i fell hopelessly in love with this girl and i gave everything to pursue her becuase i knew in her i was complete and that life was given meaning. That's how i see my journey with God. I came into it blind and got so much more than i thought or could have ever wanted. I have fallen for Christ, he has taken me and given me life. He has showed me that the answer to why i am a christian, the purpose of my creation is to glorify him. Once i understood that, everything seemed to make much more sense.

Don't get me wrong, just becasue i said everything makes more sense, doesn't mean my life has been made easy or that i am continully in a glorious mood. In fact resently i have been in a battle inside myself, so when i read what Paul wrote in Romans 7:13-25
The Conflict of Two Natures
"14For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.
15For what I am doing,I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.
16But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.
17So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.
19For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.
20But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
21I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.
22For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man,
23but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.
24Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?
25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
I love this, it's so honest and raw. Paul wasn't playing church, he was to busy working to further the kingdom of God. He knew that fellow believers didn't need to hear about how good they should be or how the prosperity gospel will work if you just pretend to be happy enough. I love Paul, he's to dumb to be smart and God counted him worthy, which gives me hope and encouragement.

All this to say, 8 years ago, i would have laughed at you if you had said i would have done the things i have and struggle to be who i am all in the name of Christ. But that's what you get when you try to date Jesus, he's better. Oh and i am still fitting with my flesh but i have hope in enternity and i will still fall but i know that Jesus will carry me home everytime, that came with the whole dating thing. This is why i titled the blog the BEAUTIFULfall cause i have fallen for Him, it hasn't been easy or allways fun, and that is what makes it beautiful.