dear diary,

I usually don't come on here to just write my feelings like a diary, but i feel the need to share tonight about what God is teaching and showing me. I have been living and working in my hometown for about 6 months now, and it has been quite the adjustment. I'm not the kind of person who wants to be close to home, but that was where God had opened doors for me.

God has taken me down a path i never could have imagined and why i thought that would change once i graduated college i dont know. It's been so hard to be content with everything, i guess thats part of who i am, but can i say that trying to find fulfillment in my circumstances is the suck. And here is the worst part, i have it great. Great job, great family, great house, nice car, good friends, great health, etc..., but satan has his way of twisting it all. And here is what he as been telling me, he's told me, yeah i have great things here, but look over there, see how much more money they are making. See how much nicer it is where they live, can you imagine how happy you would be if you could just get there?

So what ends up happening is im robbed of all my joy for where i am now cause i start to buy into these thoughts, and now i begin to pursue these 'goals' because with them is happiness, . . . . right next to the pot of gold guarded by a mythical unicorn. But God (which i have said before could be the most beautiful words in all of scripture EPH 2:4) has been so merciful through it all, guiding me and carrying me when i couldn't see the way. Let me be clear, it's not like i've gone astray and fathered many sons, i have been seeking him, but i had this junk with me, and until i brought that to God then God wasn't gonna deal with me.

I guess what i am saying is i've been getting real honest with God lately, and its been so good. I was listening to a John Piper pod cast and he was talking about John the Baptist, and i heard the verse, And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace (JOHN 1:16esv) and it was just so true, and beautiful. I hate my flesh, i hate this broken world, i just wish i could dwell completely with Him the way i am suppose to. In him is life, and it is so draining to try it on my own but i do it all the time. I love 2 Cor. 12:9, But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

i'm weak...

sorry, but im hooked on Lecrae, and this is probably his best work yet...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MllhC0qyEjY