So i cant think right now. I have tittled this section Blindfolded and i know what i want to say but i don't know how to say it (Wow that came out well, almost like you woldnt know that i have been trying to write for the past half hour). What i want to say is how as Christians we are so caught up in our own self righteousness that we forget what being a christian is about. Its gotten to the point where i am afraid to call my self a christian to new people i meet. It's like it's a bad word, i kinda feel that it is or at least that it has been robbed by religious people and agendas and superhappymegachurches that preach the feel good gospel or even those people that stand outside abortion clinics holding signs that have words like God or Jesus on them but have nothing at all to do with them.
Here's the point. I don't think people have a problem with God or Jesus, even those who eventually killed him couldn't say anything bad about him. What is someone who says i don't believe in God really saying? Have they met God, did they sit down with Jesus and have a conversation about his plan to rescue humanity and restore it to a place where everything is right again, a place without death and sickness and sweat and hunger and the way he was gonna do it was through the greatest act of love and mercy ever, and then did that person say, 'no, i don't think so i'll take alcohol abuse which will lead to losing my faimily in 5 years instead, you're too hypocritical and self righteous. I don't think so, it probably goes something more like this, 'yeah, i know some 'christians' and i don't see anything in them that makes me want anything to do with this Jesus thing.'
Am i right? If we are christians then doesn't that mean that the holy spirit is in us? Does that not mean that until Christ comes back we are suppose to be his representatives here on earth? I am so sick of hearing the gospel robbed of its meaning, it all just makes me so tired. For some reason we think that church is a place to go and fix ourselves, like it's some weekly self help session. Do we not all go to churches where they have series called, 'how to pray better' or '5 steps to a deeper walk', really?!? Not that by going to church these things wont happen, but if we could accomplish these things with self help tutorials and five step programs don't you think that somewhere in the gospel we would find these. shouldn't the sermon on the mount be in bullet points??? What's even better than this is when we are around other Christians, we all become so happy and perfect. We hide are stuff so people wont know about them cause god forbid we share our junk and let other people help us, or maybe even help others who are also struggling, but we are way to selfish for that, we cant look bad, i got fixed when i was saved (this very much is speaking about myself right now).
I remember when i first learned that other people who claimed Jesus were messed up just like me. I was in Honduras on a mission trip with about 30 guys and girls from a&m, i mean i had herd other guys talk about lust and stuff like that before, but this was the first time i woke to the fact that everyone is screwed up, which makes us need Jesus so much more everyday. So every night two of us would go up after some sweet music and signing and give our testimonies, one guy and one girl, in front of the whole group, i was stupid and volunteered to go. The whole week, every night were tears and sadness, joy, tough moments and a load of honesty and the whole thing was so good. I think 4 of the 5 or 6 girls that got up talked about self image issues like eating disorders or addiction to exercise cause they weren't skinny enough, others talked about bad relationships and how some of us miss placed our since of self worth and tried finding it in boy and girlfriends or sports or grades or making our peers and families happy. I remember sitting there think my gosh, you are so beautiful how could you ever see that and think that. Others talked about bad childhoods and deaths and divorce, relationships that were way too physical. Every night we would talk about this stuff and it would just come out and we all had different junk, its was like we became the great band of the we got junk. What makes all of this so beautiful was there was healing there. One of the leaders from Honduras talked on the last night, and he talked about this chair that we would all go sit in while talking and he called it the pain chair. The he talked about the week Jesus came to Jerusalem to die, it's called the Passion. Then he talked about why its called the passion, the word passion means suffering. Literally the death of Christ defines the word passion and it was good in that moment to know that in the same way we suffered, how much more did Jesus, thats why he did it that way right? He showed us that he can understand our pain cause anytime one of us feels rejected and hurt he can turn to us and say 'i've been there, i was rejected and hurt too. Is he not the God of the rejected and hurt? I feel like anyone would have turned to Christ if they could have been a part of what went on in that week, there were no agendas or self help steps, just a bunch of junkies living together to bring glory to our King. That week we helped build an orphanage, we played with and held children who's parents died of AIDS, kids who were starving(and not the i havent eating in 6 hours starving, but the, my belly is swelling cause im dying kinda starving) we related to people, we loved each other. That week was the gospel, we didn't need five steps just one, ok two, love the God and love his people he created. I think ill go to church one day and say all you need are two steps to a better life; love God and love his people then walk right back off. I wonder how many of people would come back the next week.
this was long, sorry. But lets call this part one, cause i have more to say but i need sleep and who wants to read this much anywho.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Beginnings
Yep, so i descided to begin blogging. I started once several years ago and it went for like 4 posts, so lets hope for better this time.
So my purose for this is to put down my thoughts of God down on paper (imaginary paper) cause i have a dream to write books one day. I trully feel that is something that has been put in me cuase i can't stand to wirte, and i can't even spell well, so this has to be from Him cause its too ironic.
To begin i want to give you my story or least explain what it looks like, which somewhere along the way stopped being my story but His. I wasn't really raised as a christian but i though i was at the time. My first time to go chruch on my own (i.e. not christmas or easter) was my sophomore year in highschool. I was there for several reasons, none of which included a closer walk with christ. Somehow that year i became a chirstian, i finally undestood that i was that good kid whose good stuff was infact not good at all. I needed Christ to stand for me. That was seven years ago.
Two years ago at camp i was involved in a group where we were asked why we were Christians. Ummmmmm, i don't want to go to hell, duh. I missed it, i missed it completely. After spending some more time on what the point of being a christian was, i figured out where my answer went wrong, or at least fell short of the point. I think the best way to explain my answer is like this... Picture a blind date right, I would assume that going on a blind date i wouldn't expect much, maybe some good convo or a cute date or a fun awkward evening but not much more than that. I would go into the date expecting a to get a certain outcome, much in the same way when i first went to church i went expecting a few friends, something to do, and to look good. BUT what if this blind date was followed by another, then another, and after some time i fell hopelessly in love with this girl and i gave everything to pursue her becuase i knew in her i was complete and that life was given meaning. That's how i see my journey with God. I came into it blind and got so much more than i thought or could have ever wanted. I have fallen for Christ, he has taken me and given me life. He has showed me that the answer to why i am a christian, the purpose of my creation is to glorify him. Once i understood that, everything seemed to make much more sense.
Don't get me wrong, just becasue i said everything makes more sense, doesn't mean my life has been made easy or that i am continully in a glorious mood. In fact resently i have been in a battle inside myself, so when i read what Paul wrote in Romans 7:13-25
The Conflict of Two Natures
"14For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.
15For what I am doing,I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.
16But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.
17So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.
19For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.
20But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
21I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.
22For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man,
23but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.
24Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?
25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
I love this, it's so honest and raw. Paul wasn't playing church, he was to busy working to further the kingdom of God. He knew that fellow believers didn't need to hear about how good they should be or how the prosperity gospel will work if you just pretend to be happy enough. I love Paul, he's to dumb to be smart and God counted him worthy, which gives me hope and encouragement.
All this to say, 8 years ago, i would have laughed at you if you had said i would have done the things i have and struggle to be who i am all in the name of Christ. But that's what you get when you try to date Jesus, he's better. Oh and i am still fitting with my flesh but i have hope in enternity and i will still fall but i know that Jesus will carry me home everytime, that came with the whole dating thing. This is why i titled the blog the BEAUTIFULfall cause i have fallen for Him, it hasn't been easy or allways fun, and that is what makes it beautiful.
So my purose for this is to put down my thoughts of God down on paper (imaginary paper) cause i have a dream to write books one day. I trully feel that is something that has been put in me cuase i can't stand to wirte, and i can't even spell well, so this has to be from Him cause its too ironic.
To begin i want to give you my story or least explain what it looks like, which somewhere along the way stopped being my story but His. I wasn't really raised as a christian but i though i was at the time. My first time to go chruch on my own (i.e. not christmas or easter) was my sophomore year in highschool. I was there for several reasons, none of which included a closer walk with christ. Somehow that year i became a chirstian, i finally undestood that i was that good kid whose good stuff was infact not good at all. I needed Christ to stand for me. That was seven years ago.
Two years ago at camp i was involved in a group where we were asked why we were Christians. Ummmmmm, i don't want to go to hell, duh. I missed it, i missed it completely. After spending some more time on what the point of being a christian was, i figured out where my answer went wrong, or at least fell short of the point. I think the best way to explain my answer is like this... Picture a blind date right, I would assume that going on a blind date i wouldn't expect much, maybe some good convo or a cute date or a fun awkward evening but not much more than that. I would go into the date expecting a to get a certain outcome, much in the same way when i first went to church i went expecting a few friends, something to do, and to look good. BUT what if this blind date was followed by another, then another, and after some time i fell hopelessly in love with this girl and i gave everything to pursue her becuase i knew in her i was complete and that life was given meaning. That's how i see my journey with God. I came into it blind and got so much more than i thought or could have ever wanted. I have fallen for Christ, he has taken me and given me life. He has showed me that the answer to why i am a christian, the purpose of my creation is to glorify him. Once i understood that, everything seemed to make much more sense.
Don't get me wrong, just becasue i said everything makes more sense, doesn't mean my life has been made easy or that i am continully in a glorious mood. In fact resently i have been in a battle inside myself, so when i read what Paul wrote in Romans 7:13-25
The Conflict of Two Natures
"14For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.
15For what I am doing,I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.
16But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.
17So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.
19For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.
20But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
21I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.
22For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man,
23but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.
24Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?
25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
I love this, it's so honest and raw. Paul wasn't playing church, he was to busy working to further the kingdom of God. He knew that fellow believers didn't need to hear about how good they should be or how the prosperity gospel will work if you just pretend to be happy enough. I love Paul, he's to dumb to be smart and God counted him worthy, which gives me hope and encouragement.
All this to say, 8 years ago, i would have laughed at you if you had said i would have done the things i have and struggle to be who i am all in the name of Christ. But that's what you get when you try to date Jesus, he's better. Oh and i am still fitting with my flesh but i have hope in enternity and i will still fall but i know that Jesus will carry me home everytime, that came with the whole dating thing. This is why i titled the blog the BEAUTIFULfall cause i have fallen for Him, it hasn't been easy or allways fun, and that is what makes it beautiful.
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