So i have been doing some gut checking recently, and while i know the end is worth wild the means are far from enjoyable. Over the past six months i don't have much to show for this. If i can be honest with myself, i would rather die now than know that i will spend the rest of my life as what some have called a tame safe life in suburbia America where i go to church and attend sunday school and write checks so that i feel that i am being all God has created me to be. This has been my path the past six months... and if this is where God wants me to be, then i will glorify him, here, now, but i will not allow the call of God to be drowned out by meetings, bills, and alarm clocks.
I am not saying that i haven't learned anything through this, i have, trust me. I am so blessed to be able to be in this position now, but this is not where i long to be. I love my job, i love architecture, i love getting paid, and having nice things, and there are countless ways to serve God here and now. But i find that i long for more. For those that know me, this will sound weird at best, but i really want some tattoos and a piercing and to go to some place far away and just live simply serving God's people returning occasionally to write about my experience. Not because i find it romantic or edgy or the 'in thing', but because i want to fulfill the purpose for which i was created for.
And this has been so hard to even deal with, and half the time i think i am crazy, i actually hope i am, cause most people thought Jesus was a little crazy. But i cannot continue to know my savior and not be radical, i cannot claim to know the truth and not be changed by it, and i cannot see what i have seen and experience what i have experienced and not move to proclaim the hope which i cling to. For now that means being here in Houston, but who knows what is next. I know that in God's mercy he is using this time for a purpose that i cannot see yet, and that i need for my heart to come closer to his and to be patient for his timing. I have been saying that no matter my circumstances, if my chief goal is to glorify Christ then i can't lose because my joy is found in eternity and not in my circumstances...
i have the words and a link to Brooke Fraser's C.S. Lewis Song below, i believe that finding her music has been an answered prayer for me. She is an incredible song writer and her heart for Christ is something that i long for and this particular song really says what my soul is searching through...
C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke Fraser
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just less found?
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
[CHORUS]
[BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live,
I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I win cause He wins
So today i found myself in sin, again. It's so lame, and i hate it. After thinking about it for a bit i got mad at Satan, and how he continues to feed me lies and try to move me away from God. So i kind of get this image of me versus Satan, and I'm like how can i win, how can i keep him from trying to kill my soul. Then David came to mind, and this verse in 1 Sam 17:34-37
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
The reason that came into my head is my favorite way to understand who Jesus is, is to look at him as the good shepherd. I asked myself awhile ago, why a shepherd? Why not compare him to a warrior or a king, but a guy who looks after sheep, that's kinda weird. I knew that Jesus, like a shepherd looks after us and that we belong to him and all that, but recently i saw why a shepherd is the perfect analogy. David was the man in the OT. David was also a shepherd and a king and probably the best king. Jews would have known who David was very well. So the writers of the NT used this to help draw a picture of who Jesus is/was.
Sooooo for me i parallel Jesus and David. Think about that verse in 1 Sam 17. David the protector of his sheep, sees something trying to steal and kill one of his sheep, so David, being a good shepherd, sets out to destroy that which is trying to destroy one of his own. Now see 1 John 3:8 "....The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work." Jesus, like David, sees us, and like a good shepherd is working to destroy the one who is trying to destroy us. So today, in that moment of sin, i knew i wasn't alone but that God is protecting me and he loves me, because anything short of that, would be an affront to the very nature of who He is.
How i see the verse.....these are just a few references, there are many more, i just know these and can put them in quickly...
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant(Jesus Mat 20:28) has been keeping his father's sheep(Eze 18:4). When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth(1 John 3:8). When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it(Gen 3:14-15). Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God(John 8:44). The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
The reason that came into my head is my favorite way to understand who Jesus is, is to look at him as the good shepherd. I asked myself awhile ago, why a shepherd? Why not compare him to a warrior or a king, but a guy who looks after sheep, that's kinda weird. I knew that Jesus, like a shepherd looks after us and that we belong to him and all that, but recently i saw why a shepherd is the perfect analogy. David was the man in the OT. David was also a shepherd and a king and probably the best king. Jews would have known who David was very well. So the writers of the NT used this to help draw a picture of who Jesus is/was.
Sooooo for me i parallel Jesus and David. Think about that verse in 1 Sam 17. David the protector of his sheep, sees something trying to steal and kill one of his sheep, so David, being a good shepherd, sets out to destroy that which is trying to destroy one of his own. Now see 1 John 3:8 "....The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work." Jesus, like David, sees us, and like a good shepherd is working to destroy the one who is trying to destroy us. So today, in that moment of sin, i knew i wasn't alone but that God is protecting me and he loves me, because anything short of that, would be an affront to the very nature of who He is.
How i see the verse.....these are just a few references, there are many more, i just know these and can put them in quickly...
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant(Jesus Mat 20:28) has been keeping his father's sheep(Eze 18:4). When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth(1 John 3:8). When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it(Gen 3:14-15). Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God(John 8:44). The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)