So i have been doing some gut checking recently, and while i know the end is worth wild the means are far from enjoyable. Over the past six months i don't have much to show for this. If i can be honest with myself, i would rather die now than know that i will spend the rest of my life as what some have called a tame safe life in suburbia America where i go to church and attend sunday school and write checks so that i feel that i am being all God has created me to be. This has been my path the past six months... and if this is where God wants me to be, then i will glorify him, here, now, but i will not allow the call of God to be drowned out by meetings, bills, and alarm clocks.
I am not saying that i haven't learned anything through this, i have, trust me. I am so blessed to be able to be in this position now, but this is not where i long to be. I love my job, i love architecture, i love getting paid, and having nice things, and there are countless ways to serve God here and now. But i find that i long for more. For those that know me, this will sound weird at best, but i really want some tattoos and a piercing and to go to some place far away and just live simply serving God's people returning occasionally to write about my experience. Not because i find it romantic or edgy or the 'in thing', but because i want to fulfill the purpose for which i was created for.
And this has been so hard to even deal with, and half the time i think i am crazy, i actually hope i am, cause most people thought Jesus was a little crazy. But i cannot continue to know my savior and not be radical, i cannot claim to know the truth and not be changed by it, and i cannot see what i have seen and experience what i have experienced and not move to proclaim the hope which i cling to. For now that means being here in Houston, but who knows what is next. I know that in God's mercy he is using this time for a purpose that i cannot see yet, and that i need for my heart to come closer to his and to be patient for his timing. I have been saying that no matter my circumstances, if my chief goal is to glorify Christ then i can't lose because my joy is found in eternity and not in my circumstances...
i have the words and a link to Brooke Fraser's C.S. Lewis Song below, i believe that finding her music has been an answered prayer for me. She is an incredible song writer and her heart for Christ is something that i long for and this particular song really says what my soul is searching through...
C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke Fraser
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just less found?
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
[CHORUS]
[BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live,
I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I win cause He wins
So today i found myself in sin, again. It's so lame, and i hate it. After thinking about it for a bit i got mad at Satan, and how he continues to feed me lies and try to move me away from God. So i kind of get this image of me versus Satan, and I'm like how can i win, how can i keep him from trying to kill my soul. Then David came to mind, and this verse in 1 Sam 17:34-37
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
The reason that came into my head is my favorite way to understand who Jesus is, is to look at him as the good shepherd. I asked myself awhile ago, why a shepherd? Why not compare him to a warrior or a king, but a guy who looks after sheep, that's kinda weird. I knew that Jesus, like a shepherd looks after us and that we belong to him and all that, but recently i saw why a shepherd is the perfect analogy. David was the man in the OT. David was also a shepherd and a king and probably the best king. Jews would have known who David was very well. So the writers of the NT used this to help draw a picture of who Jesus is/was.
Sooooo for me i parallel Jesus and David. Think about that verse in 1 Sam 17. David the protector of his sheep, sees something trying to steal and kill one of his sheep, so David, being a good shepherd, sets out to destroy that which is trying to destroy one of his own. Now see 1 John 3:8 "....The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work." Jesus, like David, sees us, and like a good shepherd is working to destroy the one who is trying to destroy us. So today, in that moment of sin, i knew i wasn't alone but that God is protecting me and he loves me, because anything short of that, would be an affront to the very nature of who He is.
How i see the verse.....these are just a few references, there are many more, i just know these and can put them in quickly...
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant(Jesus Mat 20:28) has been keeping his father's sheep(Eze 18:4). When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth(1 John 3:8). When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it(Gen 3:14-15). Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God(John 8:44). The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
The reason that came into my head is my favorite way to understand who Jesus is, is to look at him as the good shepherd. I asked myself awhile ago, why a shepherd? Why not compare him to a warrior or a king, but a guy who looks after sheep, that's kinda weird. I knew that Jesus, like a shepherd looks after us and that we belong to him and all that, but recently i saw why a shepherd is the perfect analogy. David was the man in the OT. David was also a shepherd and a king and probably the best king. Jews would have known who David was very well. So the writers of the NT used this to help draw a picture of who Jesus is/was.
Sooooo for me i parallel Jesus and David. Think about that verse in 1 Sam 17. David the protector of his sheep, sees something trying to steal and kill one of his sheep, so David, being a good shepherd, sets out to destroy that which is trying to destroy one of his own. Now see 1 John 3:8 "....The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work." Jesus, like David, sees us, and like a good shepherd is working to destroy the one who is trying to destroy us. So today, in that moment of sin, i knew i wasn't alone but that God is protecting me and he loves me, because anything short of that, would be an affront to the very nature of who He is.
How i see the verse.....these are just a few references, there are many more, i just know these and can put them in quickly...
"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant(Jesus Mat 20:28) has been keeping his father's sheep(Eze 18:4). When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, i went after it struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth(1 John 3:8). When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it(Gen 3:14-15). Your servant has killed both lion and bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God(John 8:44). The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
sick and ugly
At work today i read this article found on yahoo.com. It made me sick. I have seen documentaries about N. Korea before, and i am sad to say that there is even worse things happening there then what this entails( story below).
I am having a hard time writing about this because reading things like this kinda of kill the parts of my soul that believe in beauty and humanity. So i guess one of the reasons i put this in here is to help raise awareness about the crimes against humanity that occur whole sale in N. Korea. Then i start to think, well, there is the Congo too, and Darfur, and Somalia, and drug wars in Mexico, and the Middle East, and in America i turn on the news and hear about little kids getting kidnapped and killed, and my 92 year old grandmother is slowly losing the ability to function on her own and i can't stand to think that this is how she will leave this earth. With all this going on i know people will turn to me and say, Where is God? How can a loving God allow this to happen?
I can't give you some crazy awesome theological answer, i just can't, I'm not that smart. But the answer is easy, its just very hard to explain. So what i will do, cause i need time to better explain the answers (at least my ideas on what i think are the answers) i will give the short answer and then in the next post expound upon them, but for now i just want people to read the article.
Q. Where is God? A. Everywhere. Q. How can a loving God allow this to happen? A. He doesn't, these things are a result of our rebellion against God's plan for us. He will, however, fix this. How do i know? Gen 3-:14-15, says that '...he(Jesus) will crush your(the serpent/devil) head and you will strike his heal." I John 3:8 'the reason the son of God appeared was to destroy the work of the devil.' Death is a result of man's sin, not God's lack of love or power, 'Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned...' Rom 5:12.
Sorry for the kinda randomness, but this is how i think (scary i know), but please pray about making a difference in someone's life, whether sponsoring a child through Compassion International, or tutoring, or spending time with people who are lonely, are whatever, this world is too dark for us to hide our light.
SEOUL, South Korea – The condemned inmate, his body torn apart by guard dogs, slumped unconscious as the three executioners fired. The bullets shattered his skull, splattering blood near other prisoners forced to watch.
His offense: trying to escape from the remote prison camp in North Korea.
"People were seized with fear but no one could say anything," former prisoner Jung Gyoung-il said, recalling the 2001 execution. "That's worse than the way animals are slaughtered."
For a decade, North Korea has denied such accounts from defectors, and South Korea has shied away from them to maintain good relations with its wartime rival. But now, under new President Lee Myung-bak, South Korea is investigating alleged abuses, including the prison camp system. South Korea's state-run human rights watchdog is interviewing defectors and is hosting a two-day international forum this week on the issue.
Meanwhile, President Bush has made the push to crack down on rights abuses in North Korea one of his last missions before leaving office in January. He signed a law promoting the U.S. special envoy on North Korean human rights to ambassador and making it easier for refugees from the North to settle in the U.S.
The focus on alleged abuses has infuriated North Korea, which dismisses the accusations as a U.S. plot to overthrow its government. The country's Central Committee of the Democratic Front for the Reunification of the Fatherland called Seoul's moves proof that South Korean officials are "sycophants toward the U.S." and "maniacs" who risk confrontation with the North.
North Korea runs at least five large political prison camps, together holding an estimated 150,000 to 200,000 inmates, according to the U.S. State Department. The gulags remain one of the Stalinist regime's most effective means of controlling its 23 million people, analysts say.
Last week, the U.N. investigator on human rights in North Korea said large numbers of people remain in prison camps. Satellite images show the camps in valleys tucked between mountain ranges, each covering up to 100 square miles. Former prisoners say the camps are encircled by high-voltage electrified fences and have schools, barracks and work sites.
Offenses meriting banishment to a prison camp include everything from disparaging North Korean leader Kim Jong Il to trying to flee the country, defectors say.
Former prisoner Jung said he spent three years in Camp No. 15 in Yodok, about 70 miles northeast of the capital, Pyongyang, on charges of spying for South Korea.
Jung, who was working for a state-run trading company, claims the charges were fabricated by security agents seeking promotion. After months of torture, Jung said he acknowledged the charge. By then he had lost nearly 80 pounds.
Shortly after his release, he fled to South Korea in 2004 with his wife and two daughters and now works for a civic group on North Korean prisons.
At Yodok, Jung said, the 400 inmates in his section subsisted on 20 ounces of corn each — the equivalent of one medium-size can daily — while toiling at mines, farms and factories for 13 to 15 hours a day. Many died of hunger and diseases brought on by malnutrition, he said. Some managed to trap vermin and insects.
"People eat rats and snakes. They were the best food to recover our health," said Jung, 46, adding he still suffers from ulcers, headaches and back pain.
One inmate, Choe Kwang Ho, sneaked away from his work for 15 minutes to pick fruit. He was executed, his mouth stuffed with gravel to prevent him from protesting, Jung recalled.
"I still can't forget his emotionless face," he said.
Life at the four other camps was even worse, Jung said. A former North Korean prison guard said only two inmates have ever escaped from the camps known as "total control zones."
"Inmates there don't even have time to try to catch and eat rats," An Myeong-chul said in an interview in Seoul.
An said he served as a guard and driver at four camps before defecting in 1994. If a female inmate got pregnant, he said, she and her lover would be shot to death publicly. Then, An said, prison guards would cut open her womb, remove the fetus and bury it or feed it to guard dogs.
Forced abortions are common, and if babies are born, many are killed, sometimes before the mother's eyes, defectors say. Grandparents also may be punished since whole families are imprisoned.
"We were repeatedly taught they were the national traitors and we have to eradicate three generations of their families," he said.
An, 40, defected after his father, a former Workers' Party official, killed himself after being accused of criticizing the government food rationing system as inefficient. Now working at a bank in South Korea, An said he pushes for the abolishment of North Korea's prison camps as the least he can do to offset his work as a guard.
Public executions are not limited to the gulags.
Before he was imprisoned, Jung took his eldest daughter, then 8, to the execution of a prisoner in 1997 in the city of Chongjin. She watched solemnly as the inmate's skull was smashed to pieces.
"She asked me, 'Hey Daddy, is he vomiting?'" Jung recalled, a bitter grimace curling his lips. "I should not have taken her there."
___
Associated Press writers Kwang-tae Kim in Seoul and Edith M. Lederer at the United Nations contributed to this report.
I am having a hard time writing about this because reading things like this kinda of kill the parts of my soul that believe in beauty and humanity. So i guess one of the reasons i put this in here is to help raise awareness about the crimes against humanity that occur whole sale in N. Korea. Then i start to think, well, there is the Congo too, and Darfur, and Somalia, and drug wars in Mexico, and the Middle East, and in America i turn on the news and hear about little kids getting kidnapped and killed, and my 92 year old grandmother is slowly losing the ability to function on her own and i can't stand to think that this is how she will leave this earth. With all this going on i know people will turn to me and say, Where is God? How can a loving God allow this to happen?
I can't give you some crazy awesome theological answer, i just can't, I'm not that smart. But the answer is easy, its just very hard to explain. So what i will do, cause i need time to better explain the answers (at least my ideas on what i think are the answers) i will give the short answer and then in the next post expound upon them, but for now i just want people to read the article.
Q. Where is God? A. Everywhere. Q. How can a loving God allow this to happen? A. He doesn't, these things are a result of our rebellion against God's plan for us. He will, however, fix this. How do i know? Gen 3-:14-15, says that '...he(Jesus) will crush your(the serpent/devil) head and you will strike his heal." I John 3:8 'the reason the son of God appeared was to destroy the work of the devil.' Death is a result of man's sin, not God's lack of love or power, 'Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned...' Rom 5:12.
Sorry for the kinda randomness, but this is how i think (scary i know), but please pray about making a difference in someone's life, whether sponsoring a child through Compassion International, or tutoring, or spending time with people who are lonely, are whatever, this world is too dark for us to hide our light.
SEOUL, South Korea – The condemned inmate, his body torn apart by guard dogs, slumped unconscious as the three executioners fired. The bullets shattered his skull, splattering blood near other prisoners forced to watch.
His offense: trying to escape from the remote prison camp in North Korea.
"People were seized with fear but no one could say anything," former prisoner Jung Gyoung-il said, recalling the 2001 execution. "That's worse than the way animals are slaughtered."
For a decade, North Korea has denied such accounts from defectors, and South Korea has shied away from them to maintain good relations with its wartime rival. But now, under new President Lee Myung-bak, South Korea is investigating alleged abuses, including the prison camp system. South Korea's state-run human rights watchdog is interviewing defectors and is hosting a two-day international forum this week on the issue.
Meanwhile, President Bush has made the push to crack down on rights abuses in North Korea one of his last missions before leaving office in January. He signed a law promoting the U.S. special envoy on North Korean human rights to ambassador and making it easier for refugees from the North to settle in the U.S.
The focus on alleged abuses has infuriated North Korea, which dismisses the accusations as a U.S. plot to overthrow its government. The country's Central Committee of the Democratic Front for the Reunification of the Fatherland called Seoul's moves proof that South Korean officials are "sycophants toward the U.S." and "maniacs" who risk confrontation with the North.
North Korea runs at least five large political prison camps, together holding an estimated 150,000 to 200,000 inmates, according to the U.S. State Department. The gulags remain one of the Stalinist regime's most effective means of controlling its 23 million people, analysts say.
Last week, the U.N. investigator on human rights in North Korea said large numbers of people remain in prison camps. Satellite images show the camps in valleys tucked between mountain ranges, each covering up to 100 square miles. Former prisoners say the camps are encircled by high-voltage electrified fences and have schools, barracks and work sites.
Offenses meriting banishment to a prison camp include everything from disparaging North Korean leader Kim Jong Il to trying to flee the country, defectors say.
Former prisoner Jung said he spent three years in Camp No. 15 in Yodok, about 70 miles northeast of the capital, Pyongyang, on charges of spying for South Korea.
Jung, who was working for a state-run trading company, claims the charges were fabricated by security agents seeking promotion. After months of torture, Jung said he acknowledged the charge. By then he had lost nearly 80 pounds.
Shortly after his release, he fled to South Korea in 2004 with his wife and two daughters and now works for a civic group on North Korean prisons.
At Yodok, Jung said, the 400 inmates in his section subsisted on 20 ounces of corn each — the equivalent of one medium-size can daily — while toiling at mines, farms and factories for 13 to 15 hours a day. Many died of hunger and diseases brought on by malnutrition, he said. Some managed to trap vermin and insects.
"People eat rats and snakes. They were the best food to recover our health," said Jung, 46, adding he still suffers from ulcers, headaches and back pain.
One inmate, Choe Kwang Ho, sneaked away from his work for 15 minutes to pick fruit. He was executed, his mouth stuffed with gravel to prevent him from protesting, Jung recalled.
"I still can't forget his emotionless face," he said.
Life at the four other camps was even worse, Jung said. A former North Korean prison guard said only two inmates have ever escaped from the camps known as "total control zones."
"Inmates there don't even have time to try to catch and eat rats," An Myeong-chul said in an interview in Seoul.
An said he served as a guard and driver at four camps before defecting in 1994. If a female inmate got pregnant, he said, she and her lover would be shot to death publicly. Then, An said, prison guards would cut open her womb, remove the fetus and bury it or feed it to guard dogs.
Forced abortions are common, and if babies are born, many are killed, sometimes before the mother's eyes, defectors say. Grandparents also may be punished since whole families are imprisoned.
"We were repeatedly taught they were the national traitors and we have to eradicate three generations of their families," he said.
An, 40, defected after his father, a former Workers' Party official, killed himself after being accused of criticizing the government food rationing system as inefficient. Now working at a bank in South Korea, An said he pushes for the abolishment of North Korea's prison camps as the least he can do to offset his work as a guard.
Public executions are not limited to the gulags.
Before he was imprisoned, Jung took his eldest daughter, then 8, to the execution of a prisoner in 1997 in the city of Chongjin. She watched solemnly as the inmate's skull was smashed to pieces.
"She asked me, 'Hey Daddy, is he vomiting?'" Jung recalled, a bitter grimace curling his lips. "I should not have taken her there."
___
Associated Press writers Kwang-tae Kim in Seoul and Edith M. Lederer at the United Nations contributed to this report.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Jonny Cash
Last night i was reading 2 Tim. 4. Paul is writing instructions to timothy and during this time that Paul is writing he is about to be killed. And Paul comes to this point in the letter where he begins to look back at his life and this is what he says, "For i am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith." 2Tim 4:6-7. And i think you could read this and say well maybe Pau just has a very high view of himself, but remember this is the same guy who championed righteousness through faith and who wrote romans and said things like, "For i have the desire to do what is good, but i cannot carry it out. For what i do is not the good i want to do: no, the evil i do not want to do - this i keep on doing." Rom 7:17b-19.
So a couple of things come from this mostly on the first part of the verse cause i have already touched on the latter earlier.
One, i hope that when my time comes i can say that my life has been a drink offering to God. Its kinda funny cause i absolutely love this picture of my life being a drink offering. I think that I/we probably don't completely understand the idea of offerings to god and there symbolism and meaning and what not, so to help me i think of Johhy Cash. Jonny Cash lived a lot of wild years and got lost in drugs and lot of other messy things, but at some point he turned his life around (there is a lot more to his story). Not unlike a modern day Paul. Jonny Cash died recently and 3 months before he did, he preformed one last song, and it is very similar to what paul says in timothy in terms of perspective. The reason i thought of this is in the last minute of the video, Jonny is sitting at a table, and he pours out his wine and sings about his empire of dirt and its worthlessness. Its amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go
Second, i'm not about to die, or least not that i can foresee. Therefore, i can't look back with a lifetime of wisdom, but i can look back at two periods of my life. Highschool and college. I became a christian in highschool, but i cannot say much about it. In college, i can say my life began to reflect what i said i believed, and hope on my last day i can sit and say that i have poured my life out on the table for God. I want my life to be a gift to God, not because he needs it, but because it is pleasing to him and that's why i was created (Rom 12:1-2).
On a more personal note, i'm struggling with a decision i will probably have to face in the coming months. I feel that i should follow my heart, and in the worst case i'm afraid that if i do i could hurt some people who i care a lot about, and in the best case, i could look very foolish, but if i don't do anything i won't be true to myself. So in the event that this comes i pray that everyone can understand, and know that sometimes 'rules' can't predict what comes next. (i know this doesn't make any sense, but it does to me and just needed to say it here for my sake)
god is good
So a couple of things come from this mostly on the first part of the verse cause i have already touched on the latter earlier.
One, i hope that when my time comes i can say that my life has been a drink offering to God. Its kinda funny cause i absolutely love this picture of my life being a drink offering. I think that I/we probably don't completely understand the idea of offerings to god and there symbolism and meaning and what not, so to help me i think of Johhy Cash. Jonny Cash lived a lot of wild years and got lost in drugs and lot of other messy things, but at some point he turned his life around (there is a lot more to his story). Not unlike a modern day Paul. Jonny Cash died recently and 3 months before he did, he preformed one last song, and it is very similar to what paul says in timothy in terms of perspective. The reason i thought of this is in the last minute of the video, Jonny is sitting at a table, and he pours out his wine and sings about his empire of dirt and its worthlessness. Its amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go
Second, i'm not about to die, or least not that i can foresee. Therefore, i can't look back with a lifetime of wisdom, but i can look back at two periods of my life. Highschool and college. I became a christian in highschool, but i cannot say much about it. In college, i can say my life began to reflect what i said i believed, and hope on my last day i can sit and say that i have poured my life out on the table for God. I want my life to be a gift to God, not because he needs it, but because it is pleasing to him and that's why i was created (Rom 12:1-2).
On a more personal note, i'm struggling with a decision i will probably have to face in the coming months. I feel that i should follow my heart, and in the worst case i'm afraid that if i do i could hurt some people who i care a lot about, and in the best case, i could look very foolish, but if i don't do anything i won't be true to myself. So in the event that this comes i pray that everyone can understand, and know that sometimes 'rules' can't predict what comes next. (i know this doesn't make any sense, but it does to me and just needed to say it here for my sake)
god is good
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
UNwoven
Just the other week i had one of those moments where i began to think it can't get any better than this. Everything was coming together, relationships were great, job was going fantastically well, weather was good, family was good, it was as if my little world was just the way i wanted it, and i thought how good is God that he would bless me with all this. And i really think God has a sense of humor, i know he does, because for the past month or so i have been praying that my joy would continually come from him, so naturally as i pray this it would be that all these little facets of my life come together in my perfect little world making it so easy to look around me and find joy from my circumstances. And now i find that some of the strands of my rope are coming undone. And can i be honest, i hate it. So much to the point that i caught myself the other night asking God why, why again do i come so close and yet things still slip through my fingers.
At that point the light went off in my head, about a lot of things. The first thing that came to mind was what God must be thinking when i complain about these things. How can i, who on my own can do nothing, be upset when things that i feel that i deserve dont come about. Everything i have that is of any value i cannot lose and i cannot touch. John Pipper says it well in his book, Brothers we are not Professionals, "Salvation is a gift of God(eph 2:8). Love is a gift of God (1 thess. 3:12). Faith is a gift of god (1 Tim 1:14). Wisdom is a gift of God (Eph. 1:17). Joy is a gift of God (rom. 15:13). All these things are what we all long for, but too many time i look for it from things that aren't eternal, and it brings to the place where i question God, and if he knows whats best for me. But God, (which are possibly the two most beautiful words in the bible Eph 2:1-10) in his mercy, his Spirit in me, reminds me of who he is even while my flesh questions it.
Going back to my prayer about my joy be found in the Lord. If you every read the new testament you'll see that the authors are always talking about keeping your mind on the eternal things of God and get rid of the things which belong to our earthly flesh ( Col 3:1-11). Its no wonder cause if i can get to the point where i can live this out, then Satan can't touch me, cause he can't touch God's truth, see Job.
One other of the big things that popped up was David and his psalms. I think for the first time i began to understand how in the same moment he could cry out to god about how you can feel forsaken yet in the next moment praise his steadfastness and justice and truth and mercy and love etc... David wasn't an idiot, he was human, who knew God and knew his promises were true, but that didn't keep him from crying out in his darker moments. In fact, it is a testimony to who God is, and who David was that in a darker times we still find ourselves turning to God and clinging to his promises. So i guess all this to say I still have to be taught the hard way, but i hope every time that it brings me closer to Him, and i have to say, that right now, even though not everything is perfect i feel so close to my savior.
One last thing, a few weeks ago i had probably the best friend i will ever have call me. They didn't call to just say hi, but they called to call me out. I could tell it wasn't easy for them to say what they needed to say, but they did it so well, and their heart was so in the right place. It was awesome, and so i just want to say thanks, again!
At that point the light went off in my head, about a lot of things. The first thing that came to mind was what God must be thinking when i complain about these things. How can i, who on my own can do nothing, be upset when things that i feel that i deserve dont come about. Everything i have that is of any value i cannot lose and i cannot touch. John Pipper says it well in his book, Brothers we are not Professionals, "Salvation is a gift of God(eph 2:8). Love is a gift of God (1 thess. 3:12). Faith is a gift of god (1 Tim 1:14). Wisdom is a gift of God (Eph. 1:17). Joy is a gift of God (rom. 15:13). All these things are what we all long for, but too many time i look for it from things that aren't eternal, and it brings to the place where i question God, and if he knows whats best for me. But God, (which are possibly the two most beautiful words in the bible Eph 2:1-10) in his mercy, his Spirit in me, reminds me of who he is even while my flesh questions it.
Going back to my prayer about my joy be found in the Lord. If you every read the new testament you'll see that the authors are always talking about keeping your mind on the eternal things of God and get rid of the things which belong to our earthly flesh ( Col 3:1-11). Its no wonder cause if i can get to the point where i can live this out, then Satan can't touch me, cause he can't touch God's truth, see Job.
One other of the big things that popped up was David and his psalms. I think for the first time i began to understand how in the same moment he could cry out to god about how you can feel forsaken yet in the next moment praise his steadfastness and justice and truth and mercy and love etc... David wasn't an idiot, he was human, who knew God and knew his promises were true, but that didn't keep him from crying out in his darker moments. In fact, it is a testimony to who God is, and who David was that in a darker times we still find ourselves turning to God and clinging to his promises. So i guess all this to say I still have to be taught the hard way, but i hope every time that it brings me closer to Him, and i have to say, that right now, even though not everything is perfect i feel so close to my savior.
One last thing, a few weeks ago i had probably the best friend i will ever have call me. They didn't call to just say hi, but they called to call me out. I could tell it wasn't easy for them to say what they needed to say, but they did it so well, and their heart was so in the right place. It was awesome, and so i just want to say thanks, again!
Friday, September 19, 2008
SUNSETS
We have been created for more. Whether you are a christian or not, we can all agree that the world is messed up and so are we. Anyone who can't agree with this is on the same level as a purple hippo with its head in the sand. For a while this world was in harmony with its purpose for creation, but ever since the fall everything has changed and this earth was given over to sin and brokenness. Our souls were created to be in complete union with its creator, but when we sinned, that was no longer possible. So we have this thing inside of us all, whether christian or not, that longs for more.
For example, i am 23, so that means i have seen over 70,000 sunsets. The best one i have ever seen was when i was in italy, it was incredibly beautiful. (see left) However, even after that night i have not stopped looking west at sunset. What i mean is this. If this world was all there was, then when i saw this sunset i should have been completely satisfied and never needing to look again, yet something inside me continues to long for more. I have this thing inside me that pushes me to continue to move toward and search for beauty. And no matter how beautiful something is, i long for more, i can't get enough. So what i am saying is that i was created for more than what i can experience here on earth.
Another example is us. I'm going to pretty much assume that we all have been attracted to one another at some point. There is nothing like being in love. But why the heck are we attracted to each other??? We search for someone who will accept us and love us for who we are, a best friend whose partnership is built on a promise of forever. And i think that we do this because marriage is the closest we can come to the relationship God intended to have with us. It's like the sunset example. times a lot. There we keep looking for an outward beauty, but in the pursuit of a spouse it goes so much deeper. We all wish for a deeply personal relationship, like the one God intended to have with us. I think we want someone to love us for who we are, good and bad, even wierd. Maybe we even crave the thought that someone would love us not for what we can do for them but because they can't stand the thought of not being with us. So much so that they would do anything to bring us to them. This is the stuff that makes great movies and novels, maybe even a good gosspel??? So i guess the way i look at it is, the same things we look for in someone to spend the rest of our life with is the same things that moves me toward Jesus. Again whether christian or not, as a fellow human we are all searching for it. I think God made us this way to point us toward him, remind us that we are created for more. And whether it's a sunset or your spouse, its not for us, but for his glory, to remind us that we are created for more, which can only be found in Him and come from Him.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Didn't i tell you....
So one of my favorite things about God is how he speaks to me. With the exception of two times, i have not herd him speak to me in a direct verbal way. I want to add that when he spoke i listened, and did what i felt like he wanted me too and what resulted was the most amazing transformation of life. One was during Christmas break of my third year at college. Basically i was asking him how much longer would i have to continue to get let down and experience difficult times and for that matter, why am i even having to go through these issues and times in the first place. Immediately, i herd him say, cause i want more of you, all of you, you're not done and I'm not done with you. The other time was just shortly before that, right after some of the issues that led me to that last question. Again i was asking him, ok why? I knew that everything was happening for a reason, but had no clue why and i was pretty ticked cause i figured God owed me some of the desires of my heart, after all i'm a good kid. Well anyway, in the mist of talking to him, he literally said, Pine Cove, go. So i am not kidding, i knew it was a camp but that was all, so i googled it, and never looked back. I really feel like writing a book titled, 'Everything i Learned about God, I learned from an evil 11 or 12 year old', j/k but seriously.
I can already tell that this is gonna be a two parter.
So that was kinda the back story, i just felt like telling that might help understand what i'm about to say next. God speaks. All the time. I know i don't hear him as often as i should cause i'm too busy filling up my heart with noise. So if i say 'oh, i'm not hearing God speak' it's not an issue of God has lost my number, it's an i'm not listening thing.
When God speaks to me, it's usually him revealing his truths to me about who he is. This comes in lost of different forms, and the base of this is the study of his word cause without it, i would not be able to differentiate between God's truth and Satan's lies. I cannot begin to explain how important this is. Satan is the one who tells 11yr old girls to cut themselves with knives ( saw that a camp, and you want your heart to break, talk to someone who has bought into Satan's lies.) John 8:44. God wants our hearts, he died for it.
So what i want to share is what he has said to me recently,
I am on your side, didn't I, didn't I tell you...
Sure, call me lame, whatever, but i really enjoy colbie caillat's music. That line is from her song realize, and for some reason, i think this is the guy in me, but i don't think much of guy/girl relationships on this one, but i hear that as the cry of God's heart after me, and all of us for that matter. I kinda get this picture of this intensely personal God who has chased us and hurts when we hurt and hurts even more when we dont turn to him. I kinda feel like it fits right in where in John 6 most of Jesus's disciples leave him after he tells them 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty...and whoever comes to me i will never drive away...that i shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up on the last day." John 6:35-39. This is what caused most of his disciples to leave him! So Jesus finishes tell them about how his body will be broken and his blood will be spilt for them. As all these men are leaving him, Jesus turns to the few who have stayed and asks, "You do not want to leave me too, do you?" And i don't think this is Jesus challenging them, but this is him desperately longing to reconcile with his creation that turned from him, and he's hurt that after he's told them how he is gonna make it all right again, they leave, they walk away, again, just like in the Garden when Adam hides from God.
And this isn't just some new version of God in the new testament, this has been his heart beat from the very beginning. In Jeremiah 3, God tells Jeremiah to tell Israel, "How gladly would i treat you like sons and give you the most desirable land, the most beautiful inheritance of any nation. i thought you would call me Father and not turn away from following me. But like a woman unfaithful to her husband, so you have been unfaithful to me, O house of Israel". In fact, from the very moment we separated ourselves from God in the Garden, God tells us his plan of sending a boy to crush the one he led us astray.
And that is one of the things i love about God, he speaks, and he shows me his truth, even if it comes from Colbie Caillat's song.
I can already tell that this is gonna be a two parter.
So that was kinda the back story, i just felt like telling that might help understand what i'm about to say next. God speaks. All the time. I know i don't hear him as often as i should cause i'm too busy filling up my heart with noise. So if i say 'oh, i'm not hearing God speak' it's not an issue of God has lost my number, it's an i'm not listening thing.
When God speaks to me, it's usually him revealing his truths to me about who he is. This comes in lost of different forms, and the base of this is the study of his word cause without it, i would not be able to differentiate between God's truth and Satan's lies. I cannot begin to explain how important this is. Satan is the one who tells 11yr old girls to cut themselves with knives ( saw that a camp, and you want your heart to break, talk to someone who has bought into Satan's lies.) John 8:44. God wants our hearts, he died for it.
So what i want to share is what he has said to me recently,
I am on your side, didn't I, didn't I tell you...
Sure, call me lame, whatever, but i really enjoy colbie caillat's music. That line is from her song realize, and for some reason, i think this is the guy in me, but i don't think much of guy/girl relationships on this one, but i hear that as the cry of God's heart after me, and all of us for that matter. I kinda get this picture of this intensely personal God who has chased us and hurts when we hurt and hurts even more when we dont turn to him. I kinda feel like it fits right in where in John 6 most of Jesus's disciples leave him after he tells them 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty...and whoever comes to me i will never drive away...that i shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up on the last day." John 6:35-39. This is what caused most of his disciples to leave him! So Jesus finishes tell them about how his body will be broken and his blood will be spilt for them. As all these men are leaving him, Jesus turns to the few who have stayed and asks, "You do not want to leave me too, do you?" And i don't think this is Jesus challenging them, but this is him desperately longing to reconcile with his creation that turned from him, and he's hurt that after he's told them how he is gonna make it all right again, they leave, they walk away, again, just like in the Garden when Adam hides from God.
And this isn't just some new version of God in the new testament, this has been his heart beat from the very beginning. In Jeremiah 3, God tells Jeremiah to tell Israel, "How gladly would i treat you like sons and give you the most desirable land, the most beautiful inheritance of any nation. i thought you would call me Father and not turn away from following me. But like a woman unfaithful to her husband, so you have been unfaithful to me, O house of Israel". In fact, from the very moment we separated ourselves from God in the Garden, God tells us his plan of sending a boy to crush the one he led us astray.
And that is one of the things i love about God, he speaks, and he shows me his truth, even if it comes from Colbie Caillat's song.
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